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Sam Rittenberg's avatar

"And, in truth, humility is to wisdom as breath is to life." . An essential truth and a very beautiful turn of phrase. Though I can't resist, "You can order your "humility is wisdom" t-shirts online at LMCYT.com. Colors may vary. Hurry as supplies are low!"

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R.A. Watman (Anne)'s avatar

“It’s often said that low expectations crush the ambitions of children. I think that’s true. It’s also true that expectations which are unrealistically lofty can lead people astray unless they possess the self-knowledge and strength of personality to resist the adulation. In this battle against the hype-loop, it’s helpful, maybe crucial, to have people around you who love you enough to be your devils’ advocate instead of just another enabler.”

I cannot tell you how well this fits my brother and his wife, when it came to their only child, who is now 32, living with them, and has a job that allows him to sit in his room, using a computer. He’s also smoking and drinking an excessive amount of beer, but I don’t know if that’s while he’s on the job (wouldn’t surprise me).

I still remember when he was around 8, my SIL bragging that they’d had him tested, and he was *gifted.* They were so proud of their offspring! As he matured, our family (including my parents) were appalled by some of his behavior, along with the fact that his parents seemed to be oblivious or even encouraged it by excusing things that made us wonder how they could be such loving, but horrible parents.

Now, my brother is disappointed, discouraged, and still seems unable to do anything to actually help his son move on, and become an adult. When my brother visited recently, he described a litany of problems his son is having, and seems bewildered. How did this happen? My parents knew 25 years ago, but they either felt it wasn’t their business or they knew my brother wouldn’t listen, so they kept their mouths shut. Everyone knew, except my brother and his wife.

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