In November 2019, I was sitting in the majestic lobby of the Breakers Hotel in Palm Beach, sinking into a plush sofa and reading a random newspaper article that was making my blood boil.
I love this essay, and relate to so much of it. The idea that we can't do everything, that the money we provide sometimes makes so little difference because of other aspects of the machinery of philanthropy, that we give to alleviate our own sense of impropriety at our good fortune - all of this spoke to me.
We have a hadeeth (saying from the Prophet Muhammad's tradition) that says, "If the day of judgement is upon you, and you're holding the seed to a date palm, plant the seed." I love this so much because it pushes back against naysayers who say, "but you're really not making any difference." Any seed you plant as judgement day falls will not grow to a full tree or even a sapling. But it doesn't matter. It comes back to doing the good for the sake of doing the good, and leaving the results to God.
There are so many people pushing that rock up that hill. Guilt sure is a powerful motivator. I am not rich but I give what I can. Some churches espouse that you should give till it hurts. You shouldn’t have to hurt to give. I don’t follow that line also because of what I see in mega churches flying in private jets is just hypocrisy to me. Anyway I like your writing and love that you give back to people. Love trumps hate.
Thanks so much for your comment. Like with so much else, giving is complicated. I'm with you, however, in not giving to organizations that don't seem to respect the values they espouse.
"We were forestalling a handful of immediate tragedies, but we were not changing lives."
David, I think you are absolutely wrong about that. You can help immigrants get over bumps, they're almost guaranteed to prosper within 10 years, and their grandchildren will be attending college and definitely moving to the suburbs.
It takes a while— but that's been the pattern in America since the first white indentured servants arrived in the 1600s.
Patience and taking the long view are not American virtues. I guess that makes you an American.
In fact, on further thought, I believe you have stumbled upon what I call natural philanthropy. The US government requires legal immigrants to have a sponsor, usually a family member, with the assumption that when these speed bumps rise up, that there will be someone to tide them over with a short-term loan or gift that will solve an immediate crisis. It is the energy and determination of immigrants provides the long-term solution, which materializes for the vast majority of these wonderful people. One thing illegal immigrants do not have is a sponsor. You are their sponsor!
I still don't think you realize what critical and amazing role you are playing. But I will stop trying to convince you. I truly believe that my Jewish genes make me quite an argumentative person, but it can't be helped. Two Jews, three opinions.
You've really touched on the dilemma that faces every even relatively affluent person who recognizes that they are beneficiaries of society's inequities. How much can we do and how much are we willing to do? How much of a difference can we really make? Certainly less than we want to. I divide the world into people who want to push the process forward and those who want to hold it back. By writing this piece alone, by raising the issue honestly, you become one of the former. As you know, I aspire to the same status with my posts. We do so in the hope that we will be drops of water in what becomes a flood, rather than those that fall individually and dry up on the ground.
It is up to each of us to do what we can, so long as that is not nothing. It can be a kindness as simple as a gesture of humanity, to acknowledge a passing stranger with a look in the eye and a smile or it can be billions donated to various charities. The point is just that we do what we can.
Thanks for the uplifting and inspiring story David. Recently I have been struggling against a voice inside my own head mocking me with "why bothers" and "what is the point" so your words resonate.
Wonderful story of kindness and generosity. The reader can feel the juxtaposition of the two worlds. I felt something similar when I was homeschooling my oldest daughter and she wanted to read every Holocaust memoir we could find. I read them all too. I would look at my children safe in their beds and cry. The contrast was painful (and I was on the lucky end.)
My husband and I volunteered to feed the hungry for ten years (2 times per year) before giving up our lives in LA and serving full time. It’s amazing to see how generous people can make a huge difference in our organization. And the generous people are not always the people you would expect to be generous!
Thanks again for sharing your essays. Your heart really comes across, and it’s a heart of gold.
Thank you for sharing your story and making such an effort to contact Erin.
I believe you did make a difference for the families who were under incredible stress. It may very well be that some future day they will be in a position to help another person or family and do so.
Actress Audrey Hepburn - "As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others"
Erin reminds me of Zora Neals’s Hurston’s quote - “If you are silent about your pain, they’ll kill you and say you enjoyed it.” Her sharing her story was the catalyst to your giving. This is a reminder to share our stories, no matter what it is. Someone is reading. Our story is the catalyst to someone’s freedom.
Thank you for your thoughtful and honest article. It is rare that people with wealth clearly articulate their situation, and then work hard to provide meaningful support. It helps that you made connections and know that your money goes directly to those in need.
I recently read (but can't find again due to the unfathomable methods of social media) a post by a woman who worked at a food bank, and asked the people attending what they wanted to be donated. Some things that were donated, such as pancake mixtures, could not be used because the recipients could not afford milk, which was rarely donated. And that women cried when they received sanitary packages. Perhaps we need more focused messages about how to really help.
Thanks for your comment. To help effectively, you really need someone involved who understands the lived experience of those being helped. And the humility to realize when you are not that person!
I love this essay, and relate to so much of it. The idea that we can't do everything, that the money we provide sometimes makes so little difference because of other aspects of the machinery of philanthropy, that we give to alleviate our own sense of impropriety at our good fortune - all of this spoke to me.
We have a hadeeth (saying from the Prophet Muhammad's tradition) that says, "If the day of judgement is upon you, and you're holding the seed to a date palm, plant the seed." I love this so much because it pushes back against naysayers who say, "but you're really not making any difference." Any seed you plant as judgement day falls will not grow to a full tree or even a sapling. But it doesn't matter. It comes back to doing the good for the sake of doing the good, and leaving the results to God.
Thanks Noha. I really like that hadeeth.
"doing good for the sake of doing good" contains a lot of wisdom.
Noha, whenever you get a chance, could you email me at robertsdavidn@gmail.com? I have an idea, I'd like to send your way.
There are so many people pushing that rock up that hill. Guilt sure is a powerful motivator. I am not rich but I give what I can. Some churches espouse that you should give till it hurts. You shouldn’t have to hurt to give. I don’t follow that line also because of what I see in mega churches flying in private jets is just hypocrisy to me. Anyway I like your writing and love that you give back to people. Love trumps hate.
Thanks so much for your comment. Like with so much else, giving is complicated. I'm with you, however, in not giving to organizations that don't seem to respect the values they espouse.
"We were forestalling a handful of immediate tragedies, but we were not changing lives."
David, I think you are absolutely wrong about that. You can help immigrants get over bumps, they're almost guaranteed to prosper within 10 years, and their grandchildren will be attending college and definitely moving to the suburbs.
It takes a while— but that's been the pattern in America since the first white indentured servants arrived in the 1600s.
Patience and taking the long view are not American virtues. I guess that makes you an American.
I like the fact that you didn’t give up and found a way to help!
Thanks for that comment, Kathleen. I certainly hope I was being too pessimistic.
In fact, on further thought, I believe you have stumbled upon what I call natural philanthropy. The US government requires legal immigrants to have a sponsor, usually a family member, with the assumption that when these speed bumps rise up, that there will be someone to tide them over with a short-term loan or gift that will solve an immediate crisis. It is the energy and determination of immigrants provides the long-term solution, which materializes for the vast majority of these wonderful people. One thing illegal immigrants do not have is a sponsor. You are their sponsor!
Thanks Kathleen. I too am very much pro-immigration. America is not America without people coming here to realize their dreams.
I still don't think you realize what critical and amazing role you are playing. But I will stop trying to convince you. I truly believe that my Jewish genes make me quite an argumentative person, but it can't be helped. Two Jews, three opinions.
Exactly!
You've really touched on the dilemma that faces every even relatively affluent person who recognizes that they are beneficiaries of society's inequities. How much can we do and how much are we willing to do? How much of a difference can we really make? Certainly less than we want to. I divide the world into people who want to push the process forward and those who want to hold it back. By writing this piece alone, by raising the issue honestly, you become one of the former. As you know, I aspire to the same status with my posts. We do so in the hope that we will be drops of water in what becomes a flood, rather than those that fall individually and dry up on the ground.
I really appreciate this comment. So thoughtful.
Haha. So is your post.
It is up to each of us to do what we can, so long as that is not nothing. It can be a kindness as simple as a gesture of humanity, to acknowledge a passing stranger with a look in the eye and a smile or it can be billions donated to various charities. The point is just that we do what we can.
Thanks for the uplifting and inspiring story David. Recently I have been struggling against a voice inside my own head mocking me with "why bothers" and "what is the point" so your words resonate.
That means a lot to me Simon. Thank you.
This is a wonderful, powerful essay. Thank you for sharing.
Very insightful and introspective. Fantastic you've recognized a man's duty to give back whenever possible, especially for those who have the means.
“Pay less attention to what men say. Just watch what they do.” — Dale Carnegie
Thanks Seth!
Wonderful story of kindness and generosity. The reader can feel the juxtaposition of the two worlds. I felt something similar when I was homeschooling my oldest daughter and she wanted to read every Holocaust memoir we could find. I read them all too. I would look at my children safe in their beds and cry. The contrast was painful (and I was on the lucky end.)
My husband and I volunteered to feed the hungry for ten years (2 times per year) before giving up our lives in LA and serving full time. It’s amazing to see how generous people can make a huge difference in our organization. And the generous people are not always the people you would expect to be generous!
Thanks again for sharing your essays. Your heart really comes across, and it’s a heart of gold.
Thanks so much Chelsea. You and your husband our heroes to my way of thinking.
Thank you for sharing your story and making such an effort to contact Erin.
I believe you did make a difference for the families who were under incredible stress. It may very well be that some future day they will be in a position to help another person or family and do so.
Actress Audrey Hepburn - "As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others"
Thanks Robin!
Erin reminds me of Zora Neals’s Hurston’s quote - “If you are silent about your pain, they’ll kill you and say you enjoyed it.” Her sharing her story was the catalyst to your giving. This is a reminder to share our stories, no matter what it is. Someone is reading. Our story is the catalyst to someone’s freedom.
Thanks for your comment.and your insight.
"Her sharing her story was the catalyst to your giving."
You're absolutely right about that.
Thank you for your thoughtful and honest article. It is rare that people with wealth clearly articulate their situation, and then work hard to provide meaningful support. It helps that you made connections and know that your money goes directly to those in need.
I recently read (but can't find again due to the unfathomable methods of social media) a post by a woman who worked at a food bank, and asked the people attending what they wanted to be donated. Some things that were donated, such as pancake mixtures, could not be used because the recipients could not afford milk, which was rarely donated. And that women cried when they received sanitary packages. Perhaps we need more focused messages about how to really help.
Thanks for your comment. To help effectively, you really need someone involved who understands the lived experience of those being helped. And the humility to realize when you are not that person!
The pancake mix anecdote is really heartbreaking.