Thanks Isabel! I think a lot about what I liked and didn't like about my senior family members' approach, which I think is something we all do as parents. It's interesting to see what persists and what changes. And of course, I have the influence of my wife, who has been a helpful balance to my inclination to give too free a hand in reaction to the control of my grandfather.
I wonder what a grandchild might make of these posts. I think all of us writing here probably think about that whether consciously or not.
Wishing you and your family a good and healthy 2024!
Thanks Kimia. Your Babi sounds like a wonderful role model.
The audio is a new challenge for me. I hope to get better over time. I know I need more rhythm and emotion in my reading. I hired a speech coach and have had one lesson so far, which moved me, I think, from a pure robot phase.
I'm glad the essay was timely. Wishing you a fantastic 2024.
This reminds me of your post about ‘legacy’. Tradition and patriarchy and legacy and that need to choose how to carry on when those before us have passed on. You carry burdens that I can’t imagine. (I’m very thankful to be a single Australian lady who leads a very simple life.)
But I can definitely understand grief and loss and how it can be balanced a little by hope for the future.
Thank you for sharing these thoughts and memories with us David. It is that time of year when we become more aware of changes and loss. I hope that 2024 somehow produces a more connected world and that we can all find joy in the little things. Take care my dear. All the best.
Even quicker. It’s 7am New Year’s Eve already over here. We’re 16 to 20 hours further east than New York and Alaska respectively. A whole different season, a whole different world. All the best to you all.
“The song ends but the melody lingers on.” Irving Berlin
I think you’ve touched on something so important here, David - the way that grief anchors us to the past. I know that’s true for me...but what I don’t know is if it’s always good. Thank you.
-- Oh, David. This thought-provoking piece encourages me to reflect on the passage of time. Your writing showcases a commendable blend of intellect and eloquence. Thank you. Xo.
I was curious to see how the audio works, although I will mainly read. I might want to do the same thing with my Substack. BUT I couldn't find the audio. Where does one look?
What a lovely post about your connection to your past, and your future. While you say their names, and tell their stories, they remain a part of the world.
Breaking a tradition is hard. My family house, that had been built by my great-great grandfather and handed down through the family, was sold a few years ago. I grew up in the house, and even though I lived abroad for some years, I went home to Scotland at least once a year. Last year, for the first time in 62 years, I did not spend any time in Scotland. Life moves on ...
Beautiful, raw, and meaningful. Thank you for sharing this with us. Grief sprouts from love, however complicated. One of the most human emotions we have the privilege in many ways to feel.
This was such an excellent piece Robert. Grief is such a tricky thing. My mother told me again and again that everyone grieves in their own way and for their own reasons so don't judge. I am sorry to report that I still catch myself judging from time to time.
Like when someone reports their horrible sadness over a celebrity dying when the bereaved never even met the celebrity. But then, I remember my sadness after hearing of Harry Chapin's untimely death.
When i was an adolescent my hero was a hockey player named Clark Gillies. He meant a lot to me, although I never met him. He died last year, and I was able to write a letter and get it to his daughter to tell her how much her father meant to me.
I always feel a tinge of sadness when I hear one of Harry Chapin's songs, or I should say extra sadness since many of his songs are achingly mournful.
David, did no one hand you the Patriarch Handbook? or that famous tome, Becoming the Elder? No? Yeah, me neither. Then, one day, you get your family together for Hanuka or some other occasion and you look at your kids, their partners, and their children and you realize you're it. You're now the eldest in the room and -- wait, what? I've got you by some number of years (75, 3 months short of 76 now) but there were moments when it struck me. I'm sort of accustomed to it now, as I see it almost every where. I am not older than 96% of the world population (https://www.ined.fr/en/everything_about_population/population-games/world-population-me/) I'm especially aware, though, as I watch my kids as parents of young adult kids. Things shift. Coming to terms with this is a process.
Oh, do you realize the new alliance that is forming? Trust me on this, it will be you and Max against that generation in between when the need arises. :)
This is maybe my favourite piece of yours, David. There's a 30 year tradition in my family that ended this year, not with the death of any person, but with the ending of certain circumstances. I can feel your grief through the page, so deeply expressed, and feel that I've met and know your family through your description of them.
I hope you have many years to make new traditions, or continue in the old ones, or a combination of both.
Thanks Isabel! I think a lot about what I liked and didn't like about my senior family members' approach, which I think is something we all do as parents. It's interesting to see what persists and what changes. And of course, I have the influence of my wife, who has been a helpful balance to my inclination to give too free a hand in reaction to the control of my grandfather.
I wonder what a grandchild might make of these posts. I think all of us writing here probably think about that whether consciously or not.
Wishing you and your family a good and healthy 2024!
Thanks Kimia. Your Babi sounds like a wonderful role model.
The audio is a new challenge for me. I hope to get better over time. I know I need more rhythm and emotion in my reading. I hired a speech coach and have had one lesson so far, which moved me, I think, from a pure robot phase.
I'm glad the essay was timely. Wishing you a fantastic 2024.
I will take you up on that!
Thanks Maureen.
I will try to do audio for each post going forward. I'm glad the clarity came through. I need to work a bit on having emotion come through.
Please understand I say this with love, not as a smart remark. Maybe try saying hello. She might appreciate that.
I apologize. As I think about it, I ought not have said that. It was presumptuous and insensitive on my part.
Your grandson Max has the kind of smile that will enable him to sell a slightly used security to just about anybody.
This reminds me of your post about ‘legacy’. Tradition and patriarchy and legacy and that need to choose how to carry on when those before us have passed on. You carry burdens that I can’t imagine. (I’m very thankful to be a single Australian lady who leads a very simple life.)
But I can definitely understand grief and loss and how it can be balanced a little by hope for the future.
Thank you for sharing these thoughts and memories with us David. It is that time of year when we become more aware of changes and loss. I hope that 2024 somehow produces a more connected world and that we can all find joy in the little things. Take care my dear. All the best.
Thanks Beth.
Best wishes for 2024, which I believe is coming about a dozen hours sooner for you than for me!
Even quicker. It’s 7am New Year’s Eve already over here. We’re 16 to 20 hours further east than New York and Alaska respectively. A whole different season, a whole different world. All the best to you all.
You can give many of us a preview of how 2024 is going is far!
Beautiful essay--goes in surprising directions.
“The song ends but the melody lingers on.” Irving Berlin
I think you’ve touched on something so important here, David - the way that grief anchors us to the past. I know that’s true for me...but what I don’t know is if it’s always good. Thank you.
“The song ends but the melody lingers on.” Irving Berlin
What a lovely phrase in this context.
A moving essay, David, full of grace.
-- Oh, David. This thought-provoking piece encourages me to reflect on the passage of time. Your writing showcases a commendable blend of intellect and eloquence. Thank you. Xo.
I was curious to see how the audio works, although I will mainly read. I might want to do the same thing with my Substack. BUT I couldn't find the audio. Where does one look?
Right before the first sentence
I looked everywhere but in the right place! It's funny how often one does that.
What a lovely post about your connection to your past, and your future. While you say their names, and tell their stories, they remain a part of the world.
Breaking a tradition is hard. My family house, that had been built by my great-great grandfather and handed down through the family, was sold a few years ago. I grew up in the house, and even though I lived abroad for some years, I went home to Scotland at least once a year. Last year, for the first time in 62 years, I did not spend any time in Scotland. Life moves on ...
Thanks for the comment, Kate. Life moves on is the right attitude!
Beautiful, raw, and meaningful. Thank you for sharing this with us. Grief sprouts from love, however complicated. One of the most human emotions we have the privilege in many ways to feel.
What a cutie, that Max ☺️
Certainly when grief arises from love, it's worth it! Thanks Amy,
This was such an excellent piece Robert. Grief is such a tricky thing. My mother told me again and again that everyone grieves in their own way and for their own reasons so don't judge. I am sorry to report that I still catch myself judging from time to time.
Like when someone reports their horrible sadness over a celebrity dying when the bereaved never even met the celebrity. But then, I remember my sadness after hearing of Harry Chapin's untimely death.
Very tricky indeed.
When i was an adolescent my hero was a hockey player named Clark Gillies. He meant a lot to me, although I never met him. He died last year, and I was able to write a letter and get it to his daughter to tell her how much her father meant to me.
I always feel a tinge of sadness when I hear one of Harry Chapin's songs, or I should say extra sadness since many of his songs are achingly mournful.
Thanks for the comment, John.
David, did no one hand you the Patriarch Handbook? or that famous tome, Becoming the Elder? No? Yeah, me neither. Then, one day, you get your family together for Hanuka or some other occasion and you look at your kids, their partners, and their children and you realize you're it. You're now the eldest in the room and -- wait, what? I've got you by some number of years (75, 3 months short of 76 now) but there were moments when it struck me. I'm sort of accustomed to it now, as I see it almost every where. I am not older than 96% of the world population (https://www.ined.fr/en/everything_about_population/population-games/world-population-me/) I'm especially aware, though, as I watch my kids as parents of young adult kids. Things shift. Coming to terms with this is a process.
Oh, do you realize the new alliance that is forming? Trust me on this, it will be you and Max against that generation in between when the need arises. :)
Thanks Josh. Uncertainty loves company! And good to know that you too were unable to acquire "The Handbook."
I like the idea of an alliance!
Best wishes to you and your family for a wonderful 2024.
and to you and yours, a happy and healthy 2024
I too have a Max who brings me joy!
This is maybe my favourite piece of yours, David. There's a 30 year tradition in my family that ended this year, not with the death of any person, but with the ending of certain circumstances. I can feel your grief through the page, so deeply expressed, and feel that I've met and know your family through your description of them.
I hope you have many years to make new traditions, or continue in the old ones, or a combination of both.
Thanks Noha! That's a beautiful wish for me.