I risk losing a few readers, but nevertheless I’ll begin with a brief quote from Proust: “[In adolescence] one lives among monsters and gods, a stranger to peace of mind. There is scarcely a single one of our acts from that time which we would not prefer to abolish later on. But all we should lament is the loss of the spontaneity that urged them upon us. In later life, we see things with a more practical eye, one we share with the rest of society; but adolescence was the only time when we ever learned anything.”
David, you might enjoy this story of what Canadians seem to have learned from Trump's rise to power. Back in late 2016 or so, the Conservative Party of Canada was looking for a new leader. Several of the candidates were scary racist extremists. So what a number of us did was join the CPC with the main aim of voting against the racists. We didn't totally succeed, but the worst of the candidates lost and the winner was unelectable by the majority in the general election that followed. The CPC discarded him and chose someone who was also unelectable.
Now the CPC is once again looking for a leader, and sadly the leading candidate is a charismatic Trumpian. This time, with CPC membership at record highs, one of two things has happened: either the Trumpian guy has done an amazing job of signing up extremists who support his views, or (I hope) many many Canadians like me have joined the party so that we can elect a leader with somewhat more centrist views. I personally recruited about 20 new conservatives, and many of my friends recruited their friends, and so on. Fingers crossed that we are successful in preventing our homegrown Trumpian from getting any more power.
So my suggestion would be that you start a movement in the US to have as many people as possible register as Republicans and prevent Trump from owning the party. The bad guys really are a minority, and they can be overcome. Good luck!
An elegant line of thought. A courageous disagreement with Proust (rightfully so, I believe)! And I'm fascinated by the idea that we can not know honor without first knowing shame. I do fear though that there are too many people who no longer know the difference.
I am often cringing at things I did or said in my adolescence…to which you had a front row seat. But I also cringe at things I did or said just a few years ago.
But the level of cringe is lower with more recent actions, and I think that’s progress. Or I’m not growing as quickly!
The good news is that we are all in cringe therapy, meaning we are not alone, although it sure feels that way when "cringetrospecting". My college advisor once advised: "Roberts, your actions are never as bad nor as good as you remember and the odds are overwhelmingly good that you are the only one doing the remembering."
1. As a teacher I can tell you that kids say regretful things all of the time. It’s part of the job. Especially in classes that aren’t deemed inherently valuable, like Art.
Any Art teacher has dealt with the same.
A mild example- I’ve been asked if I make the same salary as the real teachers. And they aren’t even trying to be offensive. It makes me laugh and it’s a chance for a conversation, if I see it as such.
Kids are kids. Kids say things when they don’t mean.
I certainly did.
A good teacher isn’t shaken by it. A good teacher doesn’t take offense. A good teacher sees it as an opportunity.
A good teacher uses the conflict as a chance to build relationships.
Some of my strongest relationships with my students have come from kids that started middle school hating my class.
Personal opinion from personal experience.
Go easy on your 17 or 18 year old self. The adult in the conversation was your teacher and I’d be willing to bet that he forgave you before left the room that day.
2. I love Brene Brown. She’s taught me a lot about the difference between shame and guilt.
Shame = I did something that makes me a bad person.
Guilt = I feel bad about something that I did.
I’ve lived in shame for some of my life and it didn’t lead me to healing.
I think there’s a place for guilt, but I don’t think that shame is beneficial.
Personal opinion from personal experience. And from Brene.
I didn’t even touch on the main point of this post, but I wanted to say my two cents about those topics.
This reminds me of another quote - "when I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people." Thank you for sharing this message.
No, but yes. I'll start with the latter. We should never have elected Trump. Also being a NYer, I knew my vote would not make a difference but I didn't want either candidate so I cast a write-in ballot with my wife as President and my son as VP. I figured I'd be set in retirement and the world would definitely be a more mellow place with those two in power.
Now, as to the story about the teacher, I appreciate the notion that you learned better behavior but I think you have it all wrong on the specific example. The teacher never should have asked the question and all you did was offer a perfectly reasonable and, in fact, correct answer. I recall that colleges took attendance and one was not allowed to cut class and I reasoned exactly as you did. I (family) was a paying customer and, as such, had every right to skip class as I wished. If I could not then pass the final then that would have been my own fault, but attendance at something for which I was paying should have been completely at my own discretion. If I did not choose to avail myself of that for which I paid, it was simply to be my loss.
The teacher who asked you that question failed. It is like the parent who asks a kid, "would you take out the garbage?" There are two possible answers and if you don't want a No or a Yes then don't ask a Yes/No question. It was a failing question. So, I answer yes to your general point but no to your example.
(Note: I could have, and did, reason this out in my high school years and it was nothing special to have done so. I simply noted the weaknesses of some of my teachers.)
You give me hope as a teacher!
David, you might enjoy this story of what Canadians seem to have learned from Trump's rise to power. Back in late 2016 or so, the Conservative Party of Canada was looking for a new leader. Several of the candidates were scary racist extremists. So what a number of us did was join the CPC with the main aim of voting against the racists. We didn't totally succeed, but the worst of the candidates lost and the winner was unelectable by the majority in the general election that followed. The CPC discarded him and chose someone who was also unelectable.
Now the CPC is once again looking for a leader, and sadly the leading candidate is a charismatic Trumpian. This time, with CPC membership at record highs, one of two things has happened: either the Trumpian guy has done an amazing job of signing up extremists who support his views, or (I hope) many many Canadians like me have joined the party so that we can elect a leader with somewhat more centrist views. I personally recruited about 20 new conservatives, and many of my friends recruited their friends, and so on. Fingers crossed that we are successful in preventing our homegrown Trumpian from getting any more power.
So my suggestion would be that you start a movement in the US to have as many people as possible register as Republicans and prevent Trump from owning the party. The bad guys really are a minority, and they can be overcome. Good luck!
An elegant line of thought. A courageous disagreement with Proust (rightfully so, I believe)! And I'm fascinated by the idea that we can not know honor without first knowing shame. I do fear though that there are too many people who no longer know the difference.
I am often cringing at things I did or said in my adolescence…to which you had a front row seat. But I also cringe at things I did or said just a few years ago.
But the level of cringe is lower with more recent actions, and I think that’s progress. Or I’m not growing as quickly!
The good news is that we are all in cringe therapy, meaning we are not alone, although it sure feels that way when "cringetrospecting". My college advisor once advised: "Roberts, your actions are never as bad nor as good as you remember and the odds are overwhelmingly good that you are the only one doing the remembering."
A few thoughts -
1. As a teacher I can tell you that kids say regretful things all of the time. It’s part of the job. Especially in classes that aren’t deemed inherently valuable, like Art.
Any Art teacher has dealt with the same.
A mild example- I’ve been asked if I make the same salary as the real teachers. And they aren’t even trying to be offensive. It makes me laugh and it’s a chance for a conversation, if I see it as such.
Kids are kids. Kids say things when they don’t mean.
I certainly did.
A good teacher isn’t shaken by it. A good teacher doesn’t take offense. A good teacher sees it as an opportunity.
A good teacher uses the conflict as a chance to build relationships.
Some of my strongest relationships with my students have come from kids that started middle school hating my class.
Personal opinion from personal experience.
Go easy on your 17 or 18 year old self. The adult in the conversation was your teacher and I’d be willing to bet that he forgave you before left the room that day.
2. I love Brene Brown. She’s taught me a lot about the difference between shame and guilt.
Shame = I did something that makes me a bad person.
Guilt = I feel bad about something that I did.
I’ve lived in shame for some of my life and it didn’t lead me to healing.
I think there’s a place for guilt, but I don’t think that shame is beneficial.
Personal opinion from personal experience. And from Brene.
I didn’t even touch on the main point of this post, but I wanted to say my two cents about those topics.
As always, thank you everything.
This reminds me of another quote - "when I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people." Thank you for sharing this message.
No, but yes. I'll start with the latter. We should never have elected Trump. Also being a NYer, I knew my vote would not make a difference but I didn't want either candidate so I cast a write-in ballot with my wife as President and my son as VP. I figured I'd be set in retirement and the world would definitely be a more mellow place with those two in power.
Now, as to the story about the teacher, I appreciate the notion that you learned better behavior but I think you have it all wrong on the specific example. The teacher never should have asked the question and all you did was offer a perfectly reasonable and, in fact, correct answer. I recall that colleges took attendance and one was not allowed to cut class and I reasoned exactly as you did. I (family) was a paying customer and, as such, had every right to skip class as I wished. If I could not then pass the final then that would have been my own fault, but attendance at something for which I was paying should have been completely at my own discretion. If I did not choose to avail myself of that for which I paid, it was simply to be my loss.
The teacher who asked you that question failed. It is like the parent who asks a kid, "would you take out the garbage?" There are two possible answers and if you don't want a No or a Yes then don't ask a Yes/No question. It was a failing question. So, I answer yes to your general point but no to your example.
(Note: I could have, and did, reason this out in my high school years and it was nothing special to have done so. I simply noted the weaknesses of some of my teachers.)