In your last post you spoke about “a look of pure evil," that sends your wife Debbie into a tailspin. I wondered how bad that look could be? But with today's post, I think it could be pretty bad.
Your awareness of an etser harah (spelling?) within you gives me insight about my parents. They were truly harmless people— they never wished ill to anyone, but were so weak that they could not take care of business and often failed their children.
Incidentally, we women run into the bad influence “friend” early and often, in the form of males who want to work their way into our shorts.
BTW, I've got some ideas on how the Democrats can break through the right-wing disinformation system. Please share your thoughts:
One! Only one bad seed. My BHills tribe. Influencers to weed, liquor, late nights til dawn in clubs, privileged not arrogant. I’d smoke marijuana in my Marymount uniform in my red 1965 VW stick shift (a sister hand me down ) on sunset blvd en rte to class . Your post RIPE like sweet red grapefruit. I often say . I didn’t miss anything between 17 to 27 the year I met my husband in Connecticut. I got off the roller coaster. He’s one of the finest . 44 years married. 3 children 5 grands. The wild Gypsy remains in me.
Way to admit it ! I don’t know why but I have this ability to see how good boys want to be bad. They talk to me about how they really feel. It’s hard when you’ve put together the perfect looking life. One of my friends who does a lot of public speaking says that up at the podium is the only escape. I used to be a perfect Yale super girl but I had a big fall from that due to severe trauma followed by drinking too much. Now that I’m sober I have to find other ways to let out my “bad” side. The dark is real and powerful - no wonder the good boys are afraid of it. Love your posts as always!
I didn’t have too many bad seeds. If anything, I may have been the agent of chaos at times. Hard to believe, I am sure. Being surrounded by good people really makes a difference. One of the things that I think also saved me was reading a lot. In order to avoid home I went to the library when I was in elementary school. I had few friends to practically no friends so I lived inside my mind via the worlds created by authors. The people on the page, even if evil, were safer than the people in real life. It allowed me to see consequences played out without experiencing it or witnessing them myself. Later through my own fiction writing, I could create a sandbox world where I would build lives where good and awful things happen and my imagination could play out futures of people (or elements of people) I knew in real life. Sometimes I think luck dominates us more so than character. But it is still incumbent on us to be people of good character—to try to make this place better than how we found it.
Awesome question! That is a hard one. I think the poet Christopher Marlowe — his translations of Ovid and just him being saucy and tragic. As far as bad girls, I have to say the two roles that intrigue me the most are Lady Macbeth and Medea. Max de Winder from Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier. Heathcliff, perhaps. Mr. Darcy… though I suppose not a bad boy, but a misunderstood man who gets the girl in the end.
When I was young, I was indisputably the bad influence among my friend group. I was wild, dismissive of authority, and never met a consequence that I didn’t look square in the eyes and say “I dare you” to. The counterpoint to my rebellious ways was that I hung out with a group of very good girls who were along for the ride but never really went for it in the way I did. We still joke about it.
What’s funny is that of the lot of us - nearly 30 years later - I’m the only one who doesn’t really drink, isn’t looking for an escape hatch, and doesn’t really feel any intrigue about partying or drugs. They still hang out with me to get a break from themselves, but our roles have reversed. I have a sense of pride about that now.
But still. Reading this brought me back to the glory days of my adolescence and my irrepressible urge to cast off my innocence and embody Alicia Silverstone in an Aerosmith music video. Nobody did partying quite like my high school class, and from what I understand, it remains unmatched. I’d like to think I had a hand in that, but I’m also very happy it’s a vestige of my past.
But still, in the company of the right wrong influence, I could probably be seduced back to some of my wild ways. They certainly are more fun…
Cici, thanks for the comment. It sounds like you have some tales to tell about your epic high school class. Your line, "They still hang out with me to get a break from themselves..." is also very intriguing.
I was the one who was always nervous I’d get in trouble so I didn’t do much when I was a teenager. I even turned down parties because I did want to become a bad girl. My grandmother always told me that “Canadian” girls (read: White girls of all ethnicities) were bad because they had boyfriends. She lived with us and told me this day in and day out. I was scared to go to other girls’ houses or invite them over when I was in middle school and high school. Thus, I was a loner. Those girls didn’t really judge me though. I think the Asian girls judged me more, though not to my face. You’d think that I would have gone wild once I was away, but not really. I did go clubbing then but not often. I guess I was too focused on school and too brainwashed and freaked out about my drink being spiked (late 90s/early 2000s). I didn’t really go out even when I was abroad (though you probably found me at the campus pub a few times)! I don’t think I did nights out until my mid-20s, when I was pretending to be Carrie Bradshaw. lol
Thanks Cynthia for the comment. I remember how we constantly warned our daughter, born 1988, about never putting her drink down. I guess it was a real "thing" in that era. Maybe it still is.
As someone who used to value politeness too much, I think it's important to have the capability to be impolite. I also think it's important to be able to hang out with impolite people. Many blue collar people are impolite because of upbringing or job necessity.
I also think politeness can be a excuse for not saying the truth or not doing the right thing.
Another great post David! You brought back some good memories from my high school days. I suppose I have a habit of living double lives because back then I was a straight arrow during the week, and boozy clubber on the weekends. I wasn't big into drugs, but I overindulged in the spirits. It was as if a switch was flipped on Friday nights and I became a risk taker. Come Sunday afternoon the switch was flipped back and I was a hard working student at Brooklyn Tech. I won't say I was a bad influence on anyone, even during the past few years when grief made me feel like the polite rules of society didn't apply to me anymore. My husband was dead, my parents were dead - I didn't care what strangers thought of me. I've pulled back some, but I still do my own thing. I do care what other people think, but it doesn't take precedence over my own values and beliefs.
Quaaludes - Very overrated - in my experience. Nostalgically longed for. Weirdly mythologized.
Similar age, similar story, sort of. In 1977 - 1979, a friend's older brother made a few large purchases; 1000 at a time. Fine for getting sleepy and passing out. Nothing special.
Used them from various other sources, including known legitimate pharma products. One of my best friends would swipe his grandparents prescriptions - the entire bottles. Their physicians negligently kept prescribing.
I found Placidly more interesting. And even Nembutal - which lingered for way too long - falling asleep in class the next day.
But I'm open to hearing others' opinions - from firsthand experiences - that they actually remember.
Hemingway once wrote something to the effect of the seeds of what we are to become are planted in us at a young age just with some they are covered with a different soil, a better kind of manure 🤔🫡
In your last post you spoke about “a look of pure evil," that sends your wife Debbie into a tailspin. I wondered how bad that look could be? But with today's post, I think it could be pretty bad.
Your awareness of an etser harah (spelling?) within you gives me insight about my parents. They were truly harmless people— they never wished ill to anyone, but were so weak that they could not take care of business and often failed their children.
Incidentally, we women run into the bad influence “friend” early and often, in the form of males who want to work their way into our shorts.
BTW, I've got some ideas on how the Democrats can break through the right-wing disinformation system. Please share your thoughts:
Dems can win by selling ONE BIG Idea
Dems are up a creek— is there a paddle?
https://kathleenweber.substack.com/p/dems-can-win-by-selling-one-big-idea
perhaps there is something to my "look" and my yearning for the evil inclination that we all have.
I read your post and I like your idea of job training. Teach a man to fish...
Like anything, the devil would be in the details of implementation.
Thanks Kathleen.
One! Only one bad seed. My BHills tribe. Influencers to weed, liquor, late nights til dawn in clubs, privileged not arrogant. I’d smoke marijuana in my Marymount uniform in my red 1965 VW stick shift (a sister hand me down ) on sunset blvd en rte to class . Your post RIPE like sweet red grapefruit. I often say . I didn’t miss anything between 17 to 27 the year I met my husband in Connecticut. I got off the roller coaster. He’s one of the finest . 44 years married. 3 children 5 grands. The wild Gypsy remains in me.
Congrats, Jennifer, on 44 years and thanks for the comment.
Thx 🌹🌻🌸💐💚💛💜❤️🌼😍🥰
Way to admit it ! I don’t know why but I have this ability to see how good boys want to be bad. They talk to me about how they really feel. It’s hard when you’ve put together the perfect looking life. One of my friends who does a lot of public speaking says that up at the podium is the only escape. I used to be a perfect Yale super girl but I had a big fall from that due to severe trauma followed by drinking too much. Now that I’m sober I have to find other ways to let out my “bad” side. The dark is real and powerful - no wonder the good boys are afraid of it. Love your posts as always!
Thanks April. The podium as escape! the first time I've heard of that. I suppose that can be a release depending on what one says.
I didn’t have too many bad seeds. If anything, I may have been the agent of chaos at times. Hard to believe, I am sure. Being surrounded by good people really makes a difference. One of the things that I think also saved me was reading a lot. In order to avoid home I went to the library when I was in elementary school. I had few friends to practically no friends so I lived inside my mind via the worlds created by authors. The people on the page, even if evil, were safer than the people in real life. It allowed me to see consequences played out without experiencing it or witnessing them myself. Later through my own fiction writing, I could create a sandbox world where I would build lives where good and awful things happen and my imagination could play out futures of people (or elements of people) I knew in real life. Sometimes I think luck dominates us more so than character. But it is still incumbent on us to be people of good character—to try to make this place better than how we found it.
Thanks for the comment Zina. Do you have any favorite literary bad boys and bad girls?
Awesome question! That is a hard one. I think the poet Christopher Marlowe — his translations of Ovid and just him being saucy and tragic. As far as bad girls, I have to say the two roles that intrigue me the most are Lady Macbeth and Medea. Max de Winder from Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier. Heathcliff, perhaps. Mr. Darcy… though I suppose not a bad boy, but a misunderstood man who gets the girl in the end.
When I was young, I was indisputably the bad influence among my friend group. I was wild, dismissive of authority, and never met a consequence that I didn’t look square in the eyes and say “I dare you” to. The counterpoint to my rebellious ways was that I hung out with a group of very good girls who were along for the ride but never really went for it in the way I did. We still joke about it.
What’s funny is that of the lot of us - nearly 30 years later - I’m the only one who doesn’t really drink, isn’t looking for an escape hatch, and doesn’t really feel any intrigue about partying or drugs. They still hang out with me to get a break from themselves, but our roles have reversed. I have a sense of pride about that now.
But still. Reading this brought me back to the glory days of my adolescence and my irrepressible urge to cast off my innocence and embody Alicia Silverstone in an Aerosmith music video. Nobody did partying quite like my high school class, and from what I understand, it remains unmatched. I’d like to think I had a hand in that, but I’m also very happy it’s a vestige of my past.
But still, in the company of the right wrong influence, I could probably be seduced back to some of my wild ways. They certainly are more fun…
Cici, thanks for the comment. It sounds like you have some tales to tell about your epic high school class. Your line, "They still hang out with me to get a break from themselves..." is also very intriguing.
Very nice. More references to the Jungian Shadow.
Perhaps there's a mirror universe evil David Roberts out there with sideburns, a goatee, and a fortune built on cornering the 'lude market.
Like the evil crew of the Enterprise in a mirror universe!
Or the mirror Seinfeld world.
Not familiar with that. I'll look it up
Scary to think about that!
I was the one who was always nervous I’d get in trouble so I didn’t do much when I was a teenager. I even turned down parties because I did want to become a bad girl. My grandmother always told me that “Canadian” girls (read: White girls of all ethnicities) were bad because they had boyfriends. She lived with us and told me this day in and day out. I was scared to go to other girls’ houses or invite them over when I was in middle school and high school. Thus, I was a loner. Those girls didn’t really judge me though. I think the Asian girls judged me more, though not to my face. You’d think that I would have gone wild once I was away, but not really. I did go clubbing then but not often. I guess I was too focused on school and too brainwashed and freaked out about my drink being spiked (late 90s/early 2000s). I didn’t really go out even when I was abroad (though you probably found me at the campus pub a few times)! I don’t think I did nights out until my mid-20s, when I was pretending to be Carrie Bradshaw. lol
Thanks Cynthia for the comment. I remember how we constantly warned our daughter, born 1988, about never putting her drink down. I guess it was a real "thing" in that era. Maybe it still is.
"But my god, goodness can sometimes seem boring as fuck."
If a good angel sits on one of our shoulders and an evil angel on the other, then surely the name of that evil angel is "Boredom".
Boredom and perversity are surely linked. Great observation, Sam.
"But I don’t want comfort. I want God, I want poetry, I want real danger, I want freedom, I want goodness. I want sin."
Aldous Huxley, Brave New World.
As someone who used to value politeness too much, I think it's important to have the capability to be impolite. I also think it's important to be able to hang out with impolite people. Many blue collar people are impolite because of upbringing or job necessity.
I also think politeness can be a excuse for not saying the truth or not doing the right thing.
Just my two cents.
Thalia, I think the urge to be impolite sometimes is part of that unleashed inclination.
What do you mean by unleashed inclination?
Another great post David! You brought back some good memories from my high school days. I suppose I have a habit of living double lives because back then I was a straight arrow during the week, and boozy clubber on the weekends. I wasn't big into drugs, but I overindulged in the spirits. It was as if a switch was flipped on Friday nights and I became a risk taker. Come Sunday afternoon the switch was flipped back and I was a hard working student at Brooklyn Tech. I won't say I was a bad influence on anyone, even during the past few years when grief made me feel like the polite rules of society didn't apply to me anymore. My husband was dead, my parents were dead - I didn't care what strangers thought of me. I've pulled back some, but I still do my own thing. I do care what other people think, but it doesn't take precedence over my own values and beliefs.
Thanks for the comment Amy. From reading what you write I certainly think of you as listening to your own instincts and values over those of others.
Quaaludes - Very overrated - in my experience. Nostalgically longed for. Weirdly mythologized.
Similar age, similar story, sort of. In 1977 - 1979, a friend's older brother made a few large purchases; 1000 at a time. Fine for getting sleepy and passing out. Nothing special.
Used them from various other sources, including known legitimate pharma products. One of my best friends would swipe his grandparents prescriptions - the entire bottles. Their physicians negligently kept prescribing.
I found Placidly more interesting. And even Nembutal - which lingered for way too long - falling asleep in class the next day.
But I'm open to hearing others' opinions - from firsthand experiences - that they actually remember.
I never had a quaalude so I have no clue what it was like. Forty0fivbe years later, i still; have yet to try pot!
We had different high school experiences. Music, concerts?
Hemingway once wrote something to the effect of the seeds of what we are to become are planted in us at a young age just with some they are covered with a different soil, a better kind of manure 🤔🫡
Appleton, "A Better Kind Of Manure" is definitely a great candidate for a title of something!
$1000 was a huge amount of money then. It’s a lot now, but then even more.
I had saved a lot of my bar mitzvah money!