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Simon Wasserberger's avatar

Reminds me of a man I know who worked his way from Food Stamps to spectacular success. He remains highly contemptuous of his competitors’ inherited wealth while he brings his children into the family business... But this is natural. When we hear the word “aristocrat” our thoughts run to England, where there were never more than a 1,000 such families. The advent of the Middle Class rendered the concept of Noblesse Oblige obsolete, and it has disappeared from Western culture. But it must return. Consider the elite high schools and colleges. They use full-tuition payers and endowments to subsidize poor applicants. There is no place at these schools for Middle Class kids. The wealth gap will widen, with only the occasional Cromwell breaking through. I think you’re absolutely right that modeling behavior is of more value than denying this reality. And it wouldn’t hurt to restore words like ”gentleman” and “honor” from disuse. Though maybe not “class”....

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Kim Van Bruggen's avatar

What a great topic David.

I don't think it matters how much money you have because as you point out, it's all relative and comparison is inevitable at any level on the poor to rich ladder.

At some point most of us will find ourselves more privileged than others--depending on where we choose our comparisons. When my three kids (almost all now in their 30's) were growing up, I would say we were solidly middle class. As in, we weren't rich, but "they weren't starving children in Africa." My husband and I both grew up poor--subsidized housing and raiding gardens to eat for him and single mother, single income, living in one-bedroom apartment for many years, for me.

But, we both had a roof over our heads and food (mostly). So, what more could you ask for?

As a result, when my kids were growing up and they had the benefit of swimming lessons, soccer, grandparents, and a nice-ish house where they had bedrooms, with a mom and dad who were still together and loved them, I thought they were RICH in comparison.

So ANY complaints from them, drove me mad. "Don't you know how lucky you are??" was a refrain I would use often. Until, with the help of alot of therapy, I realized, no, they have no idea. They can only experience life from their own perspectives and how they are living it. I can't superimpose my experiences on them.

To your point about trying to teach them about their privilege, such as we saw it; one Christmas we visited an old-age home on Christmas Eve day and handed out lap blankets to the elderly who were confined to their rooms and were by themselves. Lap blankets that had been crocheted and donated to us by a church. I wanted them to learn about giving and not just receiving. They were in elementary school. We didn't have alot of money for gifts for them, so this was our way to celebrate Christmas with them that year.

All this to say privilege is relative. In the end, as you write in this very thoughtful post, all we can do is hope like heck we've modelled empathy and caring for others. Even if we weren't so perfect at it ourselves. That's the best gift we can give our children. Them calling us out on our own behaviour is a sure example we've done our job--oddly, a good thing. As maddening as it may be at the time!

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