Thanks Isabel. Gratitude is something I didn't touch upon directly, and having read your comment I wish I had. Because I agree that gratitude is key to having an open heart and having some life satisfaction. Impossible to be happy without feeling grateful!
I suppose a personal myth can be either an inspiration or stultifying. In either case, we still like to tell stories about ourselves and I think it's fine if one's personal myth gets a but blurry around the edges, as I wrote in another comment.
I think you're well on your way to living your myth with all the good that implies!
I am a survivor. There were times when I SHOULD HAVE died, I've felt the cold chill of the Reaper's scythe as it neared my skin on more than one occasion. But here am I at 65, a perpetual juvenile deliquent, still looking for my unique place in life.
There’s no type of person I love more, than those who are willing to admit the hard truths; those who will sit with the uncomfortableness and the contradictions.
I don’t have a trust fund but I have PRIVILEGE. And I’m the product of expensive private schooling. But I was raised by people who don’t care about money (another privilege) and so I’m often confused about my own feelings toward it.
I think honesty is the best we can offer people. Silence the myths (I’ll have to come up with a list of mine lol) and admit that I started off at the 50 yard line, if not closer...
Privilege is a difficult subject. People who are born into privilege are very lucky. So should they be blamed for circumstances beyond their control? They should be blamed for their attitude and arrogance as adults, if they fail to understand their advantages, or share their good fortune.
We should only be blamed if we do not make the most of our privilege to help as many people as possible, and also influence governments to improve society and provide support, especially for young people.
I did go to a UK private school. The amount of income needed to pay for it nearly 60 years ago was not as high as nowadays. I was privileged because my father could afford to pay, so I went to boarding school, aged five, instead of going into foster care when my parents divorced. Because of my education I have a ‘posh’ accent, which people often mistake for a snobbish attitude. That is their myth.
“They should be blamed for their attitude and arrogance as adults, if they fail to understand their advantages, or share their good fortune.” Yes! This is the heart of it for me.
Now you've opened up another fascinating subject. The Myths that we think others have about ourselves! To be clear, a myth does not have to be false. But it usually is a simplification, if not an over-simplification. Thanks for making me think.
Thank you, it is an important point that a myth does not have to be false. But a myth is often full of unexamined assumptions. Of course, that is also true of our historical records.
Your comment raises an important point about privilege and responsibility. While it's true that individuals should not be blamed for the circumstances of their birth, there is certainly a responsibility to acknowledge and understand one's advantages.
However, it's worth considering the perspective offered by Michael Young in his 1958 satirical book «The Rise of the Meritocracy». Young warned that even a society based on merit, where talented working-class children are allowed to rise through the ranks, could lead to even greater class divisions. In the old system, there were intelligent and capable people in all social classes, including the working class, who could advocate for their peers. However, in a so-called meritocracy, if the ruling class consists solely of the most capable and well-educated, they might become even more arrogant, believing they truly deserve their privileges. This can cause those in the lower classes to feel even more disenfranchised and miserable, as they are told their place is due to a lack of merit.
Ultimately, the point is not just about recognising privilege but also about what we do with it. As you rightly note, those who are privileged should use their advantages to help others and advocate for a more equitable society. It's about moving beyond defensiveness and arrogance to foster understanding, ensuring that privilege doesn't become a barrier to empathy and justice.
An excellent point which also highlights the difficulties in creating a more equitable society. Moving beyond defensiveness and arrogance is so very hard when they often disguise lack of self confidence, and generations of social conditioning. Nowadays, we also have social media adding it's layer of misguided expectations.
As the research shows very abundantly, the headstart you get in life makes a huge difference in your life chances and life outcomes. If you were born into a working class family that sent you to a poorly-performing local school system, would you have fared as well? Not likely at all. Hard truth, but there it is.
The problem also is that, at least since the Reagan 1980s, the systems that were set up to support the life chances of the middle and working classes have been systematically undermined and destroyed in favor of the privileged and wealthy. Which means that anyone with pre-existing privilege has benefitted at the expense of others.
Now we have systems that are decimating the life chances of most people in the country. I've visited school systems that don't even have books, supplies, toilet paper, you name it. Many people are coming out of school systems unable to read and write or calculate. What are their life chances?
If you want to make a difference, then I would say do something to help your local school systems. Not the easy way through your synagogue but on your own. Visit and volunteer to help. See what other people's lives are like, especially kids coming up in our crumbling systems right now. It will probably shock you, but I think it will allow you to see that yes, you might have won the lottery in life, but that doesn't mean you can't make a real difference in life helping others and using what God has given you to do real and meaningful good.
It might also help you understand a lot of what's happening in the political sphere. Ditch the mainstream news media, which is useless in understanding anything.
Thanks for the comment. I agree with it all. You might be interested in this earlier post I wrote about how my wife and I became supporters of a school with families in great need.
Thanks for sharing your earlier post. The need is indeed so great that it sometimes feels useless to do anything. But every action does make a difference to someone, and that difference may reverbate in ways you could never understand or predict. We do what we can, and I think prayer does a world of good as well.
You may have heard this tale before, but if you haven't, it illustrates your point. And when I reread it I'm reminded that every bit helps.
THE TALE OF THE STARFISH
IT ALL STARTED WHEN…
A young girl was walking along a beach upon which thousands of starfish had been washed up during a terrible storm. When she came to each starfish, she would pick it up, and throw it back into the ocean. People watched her with amusement.
She had been doing this for some time when a man approached her and said, “Little girl, why are you doing this? Look at this beach! You can’t save all these starfish. You can’t begin to make a difference!”
The girl seemed crushed, suddenly deflated. But after a few moments, she bent down, picked up another starfish, and hurled it as far as she could into the ocean. Then she looked up at the man and replied,
“Well, I made a difference for that one!”
The old man looked at the girl inquisitively and thought about what she had done and said. Inspired, he joined the little girl in throwing starfish back into the sea. Soon others joined, and all the starfish were saved.
I was a public school teacher for 27 years. I think public schools are the foundation of my internal America: this idea that everyone will be given an education for free and that it will be an education worth having. Of all the ideals that make up America, I think that’s the best one. But, the fairy concept has been under attack almost since its conception.
That said, I don’t blame parents for seeking out private schools for their kids if they can afford it. Private schools are generally better funded, and because they don’t have to take everybody they don’t deal with some of the social issues that public schools do. It can be risky in that those birds only learn how to flock together with birds who I have the same kinds of feathers. But, there have been far fewer shootings in private schools. So the insulation is worth something.
There is so much struggle in this world that I can't imagine that anyone gets the sympathy that they actually deserve. We are so busy trying to do what needs to be done (including giving ourselves downtime), that we do not have the excess capacity to give appropriate attention to the needs of others.
Who do we admire more? The talented athlete who fulfills his potential or the much less talented athlete who struggles to stay on the team?
Dave, I know you have done more than you will ever get credit for. But that's true about just about everyone.
Dave, you get up every morning and continue the good fight. That's more than enough for me. And, BTW, your self-doubt detracts from that effort.
Thanks Kathleen for the comment. I will disagree with one thing you said. My self-doubt, my questioning the accuracy of my myth, propels me on to fight the good fight.
By definition, everything a human being does is subjective. Is one of the great and enduring issues of philosophy how well our perceptions and understandings line up with reality. I think it's rather intrusive to remind another human being that they are subjective. It's kind of like telling them, “There's a 99.9% chance you have two legs.”
What am I supposed to do with the obvious? I really don't need an answer.
The “new age” philosophy (which is very misunderstood by most) tells us that we are each born to experience life from a given perspective. Sometimes we want great adversity to rise to a different point lace. Sometimes we can’t overcome that adversity, but (believe it or not) our time on this planet is but a flash in the overall scheme. Certain “religions/philosophies” are more helpful than others to show us the path/attitude to deal with this physical existence. (None of it is very clear to us earthlings.) Be grateful for the gifts you’ve been given. (I personally believe I should also try to make the world better - or at l ast not add to the misery.)
Intelligence is the ability to see and feel a multitude of perspectives. The fact one needs a religion to do this is indicative of a lack of intelligence. Religion does not open new perspectives, it shuts them.
If you are born with higher intelligence but you are not forced to find your place in the world, your perspective taking will suffer.
It is in the highs and lows of life that one finds and builds their empathy. Then they can see the paths of others even if they have not taken it themselves. Empathy is what drives intelligence.
Thanks lillian. While I don't consider myself a religious person, I think adherence to religion does not mark someone as lacking intelligence. i wish I had faith and that prayer moved me. That would be a gift.
Perspective taking and intelligence are positively correlated.
Intelligence is the ability to see and feel a multitude of perspectives.
You both are offering the same one, that is from the religion's perspective. I can see it to. I can also see a multitude of others. There are many more indicating religion closes your perspectives than the single one put forth by the religion itself. This was my point. It closes your perspective and you both are proving it.
That was brave, if you ask me. However, you also made me think, once again, about how we generalize and categorize people. What makes a good story? Well, it’s not usually about the people who aren’t controversial. If you aren’t mean, you haven’t suffered enough, and you are mostly living your life, then you, and others like you, are not the people we love to hate.
Being “privileged” doesn’t automatically make you anything. You are still responsible for your personal behavior, and especially, how you treat others. If you’re well off, have a great family, etc., then good for you. I enjoy your writing, and I will also note, that I cannot ever remember you bragging or coming close to giving the appearance that you are better because of what you have.
Thanks so much for sharing this. I enjoy reading people’s thoughts because everyone is interesting, and often surprising. Don’t worry, David. Just keep doing what you’re doing, and enjoy your life. You’re doing great!
Haha. But you didn't quote Branch Rickey. "Luck is the residue of design." I also believe that an absence of bad luck...which you had...is more important than good luck...which you often made yourself. What you really seem to be saying is, "Why is it so hard to be human?" I've got a great marriage myself...third try, but 40 years in...but it was WORK! (Still is.) Yours was too, I'll bet. And yeah, your path to success lacked the impediments that others were faced with, but so did Sam Bankman-Fried's, Mike Milken's, and innumerable others who squandered opportunity. Bottom line is that what you are calling myth seems to be a story of success you worked at, talent you didn't waste, and opportunities you took advantage of. Does that mean everything will be perfect? Nope. Or that you should feel a scintilla of guilt for making the most of your chances while trying to remain a decent and moral person? No again. And finally, the very fact that you are asking these questions puts you way ahead of the game. Introspection is pretty rare these days...probably always has been.
Thanks for the comment! I think a myth can have the core of truth but if unexamined, it's like the cliche about the unexamined life. Thanks also for the quote; I hadn't heard that before.
Every myth indeed has a core of truth, often surrounded by a lot of convenient untruth. In that vein, while we're doing quotes, one of my favorites is from Lawrence of Arabia...by Robert Bolt. "A man who tells lies merely hides the truth. One who tells half-lies has forgotten where he put it." Applies to what we tell ourselves as well, I think.
Interesting angle on this question, one that I feel some sympathy for. I do have a personal myth and I won’t go into any depth here, but it basically says that no matter what, I’ll figure things out, that things will turn out for me in the end. Your article is making me think I need to examine it a little more closely ...
It's only a myth if it didn't occur. I think the wealthy feel the need to make myths because that is how they validate their standing to the masses. They need to make it more because otherwise they don't deserve the comforts found in their story. The wealthy have replaced the superheros/gods/extraordinary talent we find in human history.
They must make their story more than average. Because if it is not talent that put them there, then why are they there and how do they stay there.
My life story is no myth, it is very much a reality. However, I had to wait until l had enough money to protect myself before I shared my real life story. Because when the poor tell their story, and it sounds like a myth, they are forced institutionalized.
Thanks Isabel. Gratitude is something I didn't touch upon directly, and having read your comment I wish I had. Because I agree that gratitude is key to having an open heart and having some life satisfaction. Impossible to be happy without feeling grateful!
I suppose a personal myth can be either an inspiration or stultifying. In either case, we still like to tell stories about ourselves and I think it's fine if one's personal myth gets a but blurry around the edges, as I wrote in another comment.
I think you're well on your way to living your myth with all the good that implies!
I am a survivor. There were times when I SHOULD HAVE died, I've felt the cold chill of the Reaper's scythe as it neared my skin on more than one occasion. But here am I at 65, a perpetual juvenile deliquent, still looking for my unique place in life.
A personal myth ? Perhaps.
A personal myth need not be false, just a little blurry around the edges. Thanks for the comment.
Because no-one else will.....and what/why would it matter? A head start is just that. XO, Sheri
Thanks Sheri.
WOW !!!!
I think you can be too hard on yourself -- at times ---
There’s no type of person I love more, than those who are willing to admit the hard truths; those who will sit with the uncomfortableness and the contradictions.
I don’t have a trust fund but I have PRIVILEGE. And I’m the product of expensive private schooling. But I was raised by people who don’t care about money (another privilege) and so I’m often confused about my own feelings toward it.
I think honesty is the best we can offer people. Silence the myths (I’ll have to come up with a list of mine lol) and admit that I started off at the 50 yard line, if not closer...
Thanks Caroline. i always appreciate your insights.
Privilege is a difficult subject. People who are born into privilege are very lucky. So should they be blamed for circumstances beyond their control? They should be blamed for their attitude and arrogance as adults, if they fail to understand their advantages, or share their good fortune.
The cartoon On a Plate by Toby Morris powerfully shows the difference in privilege. https://www.boredpanda.com/privilege-explanation-comic-strip-on-a-plate-toby-morris/
We should only be blamed if we do not make the most of our privilege to help as many people as possible, and also influence governments to improve society and provide support, especially for young people.
I did go to a UK private school. The amount of income needed to pay for it nearly 60 years ago was not as high as nowadays. I was privileged because my father could afford to pay, so I went to boarding school, aged five, instead of going into foster care when my parents divorced. Because of my education I have a ‘posh’ accent, which people often mistake for a snobbish attitude. That is their myth.
“They should be blamed for their attitude and arrogance as adults, if they fail to understand their advantages, or share their good fortune.” Yes! This is the heart of it for me.
That's a powerful cartoon! Please take a moment to check it out.
Kate,
Now you've opened up another fascinating subject. The Myths that we think others have about ourselves! To be clear, a myth does not have to be false. But it usually is a simplification, if not an over-simplification. Thanks for making me think.
Thank you, it is an important point that a myth does not have to be false. But a myth is often full of unexamined assumptions. Of course, that is also true of our historical records.
Your comment raises an important point about privilege and responsibility. While it's true that individuals should not be blamed for the circumstances of their birth, there is certainly a responsibility to acknowledge and understand one's advantages.
However, it's worth considering the perspective offered by Michael Young in his 1958 satirical book «The Rise of the Meritocracy». Young warned that even a society based on merit, where talented working-class children are allowed to rise through the ranks, could lead to even greater class divisions. In the old system, there were intelligent and capable people in all social classes, including the working class, who could advocate for their peers. However, in a so-called meritocracy, if the ruling class consists solely of the most capable and well-educated, they might become even more arrogant, believing they truly deserve their privileges. This can cause those in the lower classes to feel even more disenfranchised and miserable, as they are told their place is due to a lack of merit.
Ultimately, the point is not just about recognising privilege but also about what we do with it. As you rightly note, those who are privileged should use their advantages to help others and advocate for a more equitable society. It's about moving beyond defensiveness and arrogance to foster understanding, ensuring that privilege doesn't become a barrier to empathy and justice.
I agree with everything you write and I think that you expressed everything very well. Thanks for the comment.
An excellent point which also highlights the difficulties in creating a more equitable society. Moving beyond defensiveness and arrogance is so very hard when they often disguise lack of self confidence, and generations of social conditioning. Nowadays, we also have social media adding it's layer of misguided expectations.
As the research shows very abundantly, the headstart you get in life makes a huge difference in your life chances and life outcomes. If you were born into a working class family that sent you to a poorly-performing local school system, would you have fared as well? Not likely at all. Hard truth, but there it is.
The problem also is that, at least since the Reagan 1980s, the systems that were set up to support the life chances of the middle and working classes have been systematically undermined and destroyed in favor of the privileged and wealthy. Which means that anyone with pre-existing privilege has benefitted at the expense of others.
Now we have systems that are decimating the life chances of most people in the country. I've visited school systems that don't even have books, supplies, toilet paper, you name it. Many people are coming out of school systems unable to read and write or calculate. What are their life chances?
If you want to make a difference, then I would say do something to help your local school systems. Not the easy way through your synagogue but on your own. Visit and volunteer to help. See what other people's lives are like, especially kids coming up in our crumbling systems right now. It will probably shock you, but I think it will allow you to see that yes, you might have won the lottery in life, but that doesn't mean you can't make a real difference in life helping others and using what God has given you to do real and meaningful good.
It might also help you understand a lot of what's happening in the political sphere. Ditch the mainstream news media, which is useless in understanding anything.
Thanks for the comment. I agree with it all. You might be interested in this earlier post I wrote about how my wife and I became supporters of a school with families in great need.
https://robertsdavidn.substack.com/p/a-checkbook-cant-make-you-a-hero
Thanks for sharing your earlier post. The need is indeed so great that it sometimes feels useless to do anything. But every action does make a difference to someone, and that difference may reverbate in ways you could never understand or predict. We do what we can, and I think prayer does a world of good as well.
You may have heard this tale before, but if you haven't, it illustrates your point. And when I reread it I'm reminded that every bit helps.
THE TALE OF THE STARFISH
IT ALL STARTED WHEN…
A young girl was walking along a beach upon which thousands of starfish had been washed up during a terrible storm. When she came to each starfish, she would pick it up, and throw it back into the ocean. People watched her with amusement.
She had been doing this for some time when a man approached her and said, “Little girl, why are you doing this? Look at this beach! You can’t save all these starfish. You can’t begin to make a difference!”
The girl seemed crushed, suddenly deflated. But after a few moments, she bent down, picked up another starfish, and hurled it as far as she could into the ocean. Then she looked up at the man and replied,
“Well, I made a difference for that one!”
The old man looked at the girl inquisitively and thought about what she had done and said. Inspired, he joined the little girl in throwing starfish back into the sea. Soon others joined, and all the starfish were saved.
Beautiful tale. Thanks for sharing.
I was a public school teacher for 27 years. I think public schools are the foundation of my internal America: this idea that everyone will be given an education for free and that it will be an education worth having. Of all the ideals that make up America, I think that’s the best one. But, the fairy concept has been under attack almost since its conception.
That said, I don’t blame parents for seeking out private schools for their kids if they can afford it. Private schools are generally better funded, and because they don’t have to take everybody they don’t deal with some of the social issues that public schools do. It can be risky in that those birds only learn how to flock together with birds who I have the same kinds of feathers. But, there have been far fewer shootings in private schools. So the insulation is worth something.
Note: very, not fairy. I speak my texts due to arthritis and sometimes the system doesn’t quite read me right.
I agree with what you wrote, and I appreciate your comment.
“Nobody knows the trouble I've seen."
There is so much struggle in this world that I can't imagine that anyone gets the sympathy that they actually deserve. We are so busy trying to do what needs to be done (including giving ourselves downtime), that we do not have the excess capacity to give appropriate attention to the needs of others.
Who do we admire more? The talented athlete who fulfills his potential or the much less talented athlete who struggles to stay on the team?
Dave, I know you have done more than you will ever get credit for. But that's true about just about everyone.
Dave, you get up every morning and continue the good fight. That's more than enough for me. And, BTW, your self-doubt detracts from that effort.
Thanks Kathleen for the comment. I will disagree with one thing you said. My self-doubt, my questioning the accuracy of my myth, propels me on to fight the good fight.
For me the goal pulls me on like a magnet. I don't even think about myself.
Ah, you know me so well. But you are generous with your analysis.
I assure you that I would not attempt to comment on your personal myth under any circumstances.
By definition, everything a human being does is subjective. Is one of the great and enduring issues of philosophy how well our perceptions and understandings line up with reality. I think it's rather intrusive to remind another human being that they are subjective. It's kind of like telling them, “There's a 99.9% chance you have two legs.”
What am I supposed to do with the obvious? I really don't need an answer.
The “new age” philosophy (which is very misunderstood by most) tells us that we are each born to experience life from a given perspective. Sometimes we want great adversity to rise to a different point lace. Sometimes we can’t overcome that adversity, but (believe it or not) our time on this planet is but a flash in the overall scheme. Certain “religions/philosophies” are more helpful than others to show us the path/attitude to deal with this physical existence. (None of it is very clear to us earthlings.) Be grateful for the gifts you’ve been given. (I personally believe I should also try to make the world better - or at l ast not add to the misery.)
Intelligence is the ability to see and feel a multitude of perspectives. The fact one needs a religion to do this is indicative of a lack of intelligence. Religion does not open new perspectives, it shuts them.
If you are born with higher intelligence but you are not forced to find your place in the world, your perspective taking will suffer.
It is in the highs and lows of life that one finds and builds their empathy. Then they can see the paths of others even if they have not taken it themselves. Empathy is what drives intelligence.
Thanks lillian. While I don't consider myself a religious person, I think adherence to religion does not mark someone as lacking intelligence. i wish I had faith and that prayer moved me. That would be a gift.
Perspective taking and intelligence are positively correlated.
Intelligence is the ability to see and feel a multitude of perspectives.
You both are offering the same one, that is from the religion's perspective. I can see it to. I can also see a multitude of others. There are many more indicating religion closes your perspectives than the single one put forth by the religion itself. This was my point. It closes your perspective and you both are proving it.
Thanks for the comment.
That was brave, if you ask me. However, you also made me think, once again, about how we generalize and categorize people. What makes a good story? Well, it’s not usually about the people who aren’t controversial. If you aren’t mean, you haven’t suffered enough, and you are mostly living your life, then you, and others like you, are not the people we love to hate.
Being “privileged” doesn’t automatically make you anything. You are still responsible for your personal behavior, and especially, how you treat others. If you’re well off, have a great family, etc., then good for you. I enjoy your writing, and I will also note, that I cannot ever remember you bragging or coming close to giving the appearance that you are better because of what you have.
Thanks so much for sharing this. I enjoy reading people’s thoughts because everyone is interesting, and often surprising. Don’t worry, David. Just keep doing what you’re doing, and enjoy your life. You’re doing great!
Thanks so much Anne. I was worried about this post. I really appreciate the encouragement.
Interesting. I have never given any thought to having a personal myth. I'm not sure I want to!
Haha. But you didn't quote Branch Rickey. "Luck is the residue of design." I also believe that an absence of bad luck...which you had...is more important than good luck...which you often made yourself. What you really seem to be saying is, "Why is it so hard to be human?" I've got a great marriage myself...third try, but 40 years in...but it was WORK! (Still is.) Yours was too, I'll bet. And yeah, your path to success lacked the impediments that others were faced with, but so did Sam Bankman-Fried's, Mike Milken's, and innumerable others who squandered opportunity. Bottom line is that what you are calling myth seems to be a story of success you worked at, talent you didn't waste, and opportunities you took advantage of. Does that mean everything will be perfect? Nope. Or that you should feel a scintilla of guilt for making the most of your chances while trying to remain a decent and moral person? No again. And finally, the very fact that you are asking these questions puts you way ahead of the game. Introspection is pretty rare these days...probably always has been.
Thanks for the comment! I think a myth can have the core of truth but if unexamined, it's like the cliche about the unexamined life. Thanks also for the quote; I hadn't heard that before.
Every myth indeed has a core of truth, often surrounded by a lot of convenient untruth. In that vein, while we're doing quotes, one of my favorites is from Lawrence of Arabia...by Robert Bolt. "A man who tells lies merely hides the truth. One who tells half-lies has forgotten where he put it." Applies to what we tell ourselves as well, I think.
Interesting angle on this question, one that I feel some sympathy for. I do have a personal myth and I won’t go into any depth here, but it basically says that no matter what, I’ll figure things out, that things will turn out for me in the end. Your article is making me think I need to examine it a little more closely ...
Thanks Tom. I hope I'm not leading you down a path you'd rather not go!
It's only a myth if it didn't occur. I think the wealthy feel the need to make myths because that is how they validate their standing to the masses. They need to make it more because otherwise they don't deserve the comforts found in their story. The wealthy have replaced the superheros/gods/extraordinary talent we find in human history.
They must make their story more than average. Because if it is not talent that put them there, then why are they there and how do they stay there.
My life story is no myth, it is very much a reality. However, I had to wait until l had enough money to protect myself before I shared my real life story. Because when the poor tell their story, and it sounds like a myth, they are forced institutionalized.