When we were parents of school age children, my wife and I found ourselves socializing mostly with the parents of our children’s friends. Whereas children in fabled, olden times were expected to provide free labor to the family’s farm or shop or foul smelling tannery (in the case of Ulysses S. Grant), in contrast, at the dawn of the 21st century, my wife and I relied on our children to furnish our social life.
In the book The Four Agreements, one of the agreements says don’t take what anyone says or does personally. Most likely because you don’t really know where they’re coming from or what they’re reacting to. Einstein said to his son on his 50th birthday pretty much the same thing. When I first heard it I was really surprised and it seemed like really difficult and lonely task. But as I get older I realize it makes things a lot easier. Anyway I think that has a little bit to do with what you’re saying and I totally relate to it. I also like the way you include yourself as another occasionally inscrutable person…not to be judged! Thanks again, my friend 😉
I try to remember this T.S. Elliot quote when I assume other people's actions are about me.
"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us… at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all."
Wow, this was really fun ... well worth the 900 words. It reminds me of one of the most useful “sayings” I came across a few years ago and now rely on more than I care to say. It is: “It’s not about you.” Whenever I find the behavior of others confounding or irritating or, well, whatever, I remind myself: “It’s not about you.” And usually it’s not.
I think your last two paragraphs are spot on, but cannot agree with the start of this whole piece. For whatever reason, you only saw your self in the encounter with the couple who were breaking up. You questioned your worthiness without questioning what might be going on in their lives. We forget, sometimes, that we are the center of our own world but not the center of a larger one. As I read your recounting of the moment and the moment of self-reflection that followed, I immediately wondered why you thought it was about you? At the least, why not even consider the possibility that the reason for the perceived cut-off was outside yourself? I believe in personal responsibility but that does not mean we are responsible for everything. To take everything on our own shoulders must be a burden too great to bear, aside from the fact that it is simply an incorrect view of life. If each of us is responsible for everything then interaction is no possible.
I think our mistaken impression was exactly the point. We erred by jumping to an unfounded conclusion. And the other thing you give us unearned credit for is "self-reflection" in the sense of stepping back and thinking critically and analytically instead of the self-reflection that gave rise to the myth of Narcissus.
In the book The Four Agreements, one of the agreements says don’t take what anyone says or does personally. Most likely because you don’t really know where they’re coming from or what they’re reacting to. Einstein said to his son on his 50th birthday pretty much the same thing. When I first heard it I was really surprised and it seemed like really difficult and lonely task. But as I get older I realize it makes things a lot easier. Anyway I think that has a little bit to do with what you’re saying and I totally relate to it. I also like the way you include yourself as another occasionally inscrutable person…not to be judged! Thanks again, my friend 😉
I try to remember this T.S. Elliot quote when I assume other people's actions are about me.
"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us… at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all."
You could have saved me 900 words!
Wow, this was really fun ... well worth the 900 words. It reminds me of one of the most useful “sayings” I came across a few years ago and now rely on more than I care to say. It is: “It’s not about you.” Whenever I find the behavior of others confounding or irritating or, well, whatever, I remind myself: “It’s not about you.” And usually it’s not.
I think your last two paragraphs are spot on, but cannot agree with the start of this whole piece. For whatever reason, you only saw your self in the encounter with the couple who were breaking up. You questioned your worthiness without questioning what might be going on in their lives. We forget, sometimes, that we are the center of our own world but not the center of a larger one. As I read your recounting of the moment and the moment of self-reflection that followed, I immediately wondered why you thought it was about you? At the least, why not even consider the possibility that the reason for the perceived cut-off was outside yourself? I believe in personal responsibility but that does not mean we are responsible for everything. To take everything on our own shoulders must be a burden too great to bear, aside from the fact that it is simply an incorrect view of life. If each of us is responsible for everything then interaction is no possible.
I think our mistaken impression was exactly the point. We erred by jumping to an unfounded conclusion. And the other thing you give us unearned credit for is "self-reflection" in the sense of stepping back and thinking critically and analytically instead of the self-reflection that gave rise to the myth of Narcissus.