“Let me not to the marriage of true minds admit impediments [except for words].” In the second year of my marriage, on a particular Saturday, my wife suggested that we run some errands instead of our customary routine of buying prepared food at Grace’s Market and feasting on it in bed while watching television. (This was 1987, a dark age of TV choices, so I can’t imagine what we found to watch.)
Almost 50 years ago I asked M to help write Thank You notes after our wedding, his response, “That’s your job!” I had the same reaction that DLR had. We have since worked it out!
I love the idea of a marital constitution! It's certainly been true of our 32-year union and it reminds me of the negotiations on some of the early amendments (around how we would raise children) but also the latest, around how we would get haircuts (she'd still pay for hers, but I'd sit still and smile while she gave me mine for free).
Oh man, now this idea has been rattling around in my head, and I’m thinking that if there’s a marital constitution, the original document--created on the date of the marriage--is actually pretty slim, but the amendments pile up quickly and make all the difference. I can’t be the only husband who has had to agree to the “I will not be an a__hole” amendment?
I cut my husband’s hair, too. I’m a lot less expensive (although maybe not when I think about it), and I do a good job. Plus it’s easy to get an appointment!! He is NOT touching my hair! 😉
I don’t know about Tom, but my husband’s hair is basically a “buzz cut.” We got a well-made cordless clipper with those different length guides that go over the blades. I still have to do some blending, but he looks as good or better than most of the places he’s gone to in the past. Maybe it helps that I used to groom our dogs!
I really like this one, David! I’m not sure how my husband and I have negotiated our way through the years. I wonder, at least for us, if it has something to do with two previous marriages (for each of us) where we realized how little our then spouses cared about the marriage to begin with.
I often say to people that I see it as partly a business deal. Of course we love one another, but let’s face it, there’s a lot of commingling of finances, including where we’ll live, the fact that one of us makes a lot more money than the other, along with chores, etc.
There are always things that are unexpected or harder than anticipated, but that’s life. You can choose to do it on your own, but having a partner (especially one you can count on) definitely makes things easier and more rewarding. I’m not sure how that fits into the Constitution exactly, other than there are rules, but they’re flexible.
Agree about partnerships. And stretching the Constitutional trope, I suppose marital amendments come fast and furious as opposed to the U.S. Constitution.
I think it depends on the couple. I’ve had friends who put up with things from their spouse that seem completely unreasonable to me, and it usually has to do with power.
"Conversely, the constitution of a marriage relies on its continuous operation through a purposeful and productive forgetting of many words spoken, opinions declared, and decisions taken."
Absolutely correct. I think the ability to laugh at one's self and forgiveness go a long way, too.
Could you give us the ISBN of the book and publish date. You said 2nd edition. I don't see that in the title. I assume the second edition has some "updates" from the first?
Almost 50 years ago I asked M to help write Thank You notes after our wedding, his response, “That’s your job!” I had the same reaction that DLR had. We have since worked it out!
All marriages have their "Marbury vs. Madison's"
I love the idea of a marital constitution! It's certainly been true of our 32-year union and it reminds me of the negotiations on some of the early amendments (around how we would raise children) but also the latest, around how we would get haircuts (she'd still pay for hers, but I'd sit still and smile while she gave me mine for free).
Oh man, now this idea has been rattling around in my head, and I’m thinking that if there’s a marital constitution, the original document--created on the date of the marriage--is actually pretty slim, but the amendments pile up quickly and make all the difference. I can’t be the only husband who has had to agree to the “I will not be an a__hole” amendment?
I cut my husband’s hair, too. I’m a lot less expensive (although maybe not when I think about it), and I do a good job. Plus it’s easy to get an appointment!! He is NOT touching my hair! 😉
I’m not touching Sara’s either, and it’s better for both of us
I'm envious of that system; if we adopted it, it might reduce complaints about the unruliness of my hair!
I don’t know about Tom, but my husband’s hair is basically a “buzz cut.” We got a well-made cordless clipper with those different length guides that go over the blades. I still have to do some blending, but he looks as good or better than most of the places he’s gone to in the past. Maybe it helps that I used to groom our dogs!
I really like this one, David! I’m not sure how my husband and I have negotiated our way through the years. I wonder, at least for us, if it has something to do with two previous marriages (for each of us) where we realized how little our then spouses cared about the marriage to begin with.
I often say to people that I see it as partly a business deal. Of course we love one another, but let’s face it, there’s a lot of commingling of finances, including where we’ll live, the fact that one of us makes a lot more money than the other, along with chores, etc.
There are always things that are unexpected or harder than anticipated, but that’s life. You can choose to do it on your own, but having a partner (especially one you can count on) definitely makes things easier and more rewarding. I’m not sure how that fits into the Constitution exactly, other than there are rules, but they’re flexible.
Agree about partnerships. And stretching the Constitutional trope, I suppose marital amendments come fast and furious as opposed to the U.S. Constitution.
I think it depends on the couple. I’ve had friends who put up with things from their spouse that seem completely unreasonable to me, and it usually has to do with power.
I think Ben franklin said about spouses "Keep one eye open and one eye closed." Meaning, pick your battles and let things go.
"Conversely, the constitution of a marriage relies on its continuous operation through a purposeful and productive forgetting of many words spoken, opinions declared, and decisions taken."
Absolutely correct. I think the ability to laugh at one's self and forgiveness go a long way, too.
Could you give us the ISBN of the book and publish date. You said 2nd edition. I don't see that in the title. I assume the second edition has some "updates" from the first?