This past Memorial Day Weekend, I was walking my dog Sophie on the road outside our East Hampton home when I met H., a former work colleague going for a solitary walk.
If, as a working class person (my class), you get to occasionally taste the freedom of true leisure and by extension get exposure to those who are lucky enough to live a life of it then you know having your time is the ultimate flex/wealth. MM also gets a lot of critique for a variety of reasons. There’s an incredible piece on here called Let Her Cook which expresses my feelings on her entirely; a line in the piece says something to the effect of “since when have people been uncomfortable with a black woman knowing her way around a large kitchen and a plot of land?” and so you get the point. But anyway, she didn’t grow up in the 0.1% like many of the folks in that world did or anywhere close to it, but instead was raised by a single black mom. Despite her major come uppance in life, would imagine she likely has a completely different relationship to work/money.
Is it? (Fair?) Or are we singling MM out for doing exactly what every other celebrity is doing (please see Hailey Bieber’s recent sale of her Rhode business for $1B)? I would also argue that no one is forcing anyone to purchase celebrity-made products, so perhaps the issue is not celebs looking for ways to remain busy but rather non-celebs looking for ways to spend their money in an attempt to “live like the rich & famous”. It takes two to tango.
Thanks Eva for looking at it from a different angle. True, no one is forcing anyone to buy MM's jar of jam. I think what struck Emily the wrong way was the attempt by MM to promote a DIY ethos, which Emily found discordant. There is a market for these celeb brands and the rest of us non-celebs create that market. I guess the question is more about how MM or other celebs who are de facto role models choose to use their influence.
Ah, the influence point is certainly an interesting one! By the way, on the topic of MM specifically, I highly recommend Anne Helen Petersen’s Culture Study podcast episode about “With Love, Meghan” - it gets into the DIY dissonance and many other related topics.
(Also, I forgot to mention that this - your post about busyness - was a great piece!)
I think this is fascinating. Having lots of friends in France, their view of busyness later in life is rather senseless. In some ways, the greatest freedom is indeed to be free of unnecessary tasks. It is true that this is often correlated with wealth; however, I am also interested in individuals who have simplified their lives to such a degree that they have the luxury of time even though they may not be financially wealthy. Perhaps wealth needs redefining…
Thanks Dominic. I think that there is guilt in America of not being busy or not participating in the various status games. I'm a product of that and am struggling with greater simplicity. Are writing and thinking and reading "pure" or are they too a status game? I'm wrestling with that.
Writing, reading, writing pure. And thinking. Trying to get myself off the addiction of busyness. Really trying to establish an entirely different phase…I’d love to catch up sometime soon.
I think in America it’s hard to disentangle any pursuit from status - whether power, fame, capital. But of course, the most life affirming and satisfying place to write from is not tied to any of these external metrics
As a retiree, I use volunteering to keep my levels of busyness (and purpose I guess) at the level that makes me feel comfortable. The ways we fill our time show so much about us. (And reading is such a pleasure, so thank you to all the writers I follow. The results of your busyness are much appreciated.)
I’m at a different stage of life to you David but I relate to what you’re saying about how being busy = status for many people. I’m a new teacher doing casual teaching at the moment and although I’m not earning much money (since I’m only working for one school sporadically) it gives me time to write and read—time which my teacher friends don’t have. They don’t really understand why I don’t just get another job or expand my network of schools. But I don’t mind. The stuff I’m doing outside of casual teaching is valuable and I just know that it’s gonna help me to become a great teacher in the future.
P.s if you read this comment a couple of times my apologies!! I kept accidentally clicking the send button 😅
Thanks for the comment Naomi. You are being very intentional about growing your teacher capabilities and many future students will be the beneficiaries.
I absolutely loved this and yes yes yes. fully and completely yes. following inner authority, and not our perception of what society expects of us - control of outer authority keeping us busy enough to ignore what’s going on - will be the new and vital flex.
I wrestle with the need to be busy as well. After retiring at 58, I also “became” a freelance writer. Having a deadline for my bi-weekly columns gives me some sense of busyness and purpose but I am working on reducing the need to be “productive” all the time. What does that even mean? Being productive? You are right that people confer status on those who are busy. Busy, busy, busy. It’s a buzz phrase that people use to feel important and needed. You are a much more disciplined writer than I, by the way. I admire the level of research that goes into your writing. There I go again, extolling the virtue of hard work.. lol. Great essay. Looking forward to your novel.
Nice. Status games are always on-going and as Rob Henderson so well explains, the 'elite' are always changing it up to stay ahead of the rabble (who always ends up adopting the same symbols, eventually).
Another great substack submission. Only a real writer would post a new article on Memorial Day Weekend instead of a repeat so you would have the week off David! (And last week's essay caused me to stop and watch the movie "Bonfire of the Vanities" again so thanks, it was fun). My current flex is the need to show that I am transitioning into retirement elegantly, so people know I'm winding down a beloved career but remain "worthy" to society by what I still do. Which is accurate but insane since I don't have to prove anything to anyone, except my children. One day, when I run into my H. and he asks me what am I doing, my flex wish is to reply candidly "Whatever I want. And you?" Be well all.
As a writer -I understand the weird reactions and perceptions people have when you announce “I am a writer.” As your occupation (or purpose.) i have 2 other “jobs” to pay the bills until I become Stephen King and I see people’s expression change when I say “But I am also a makeup artist and realtor.” Like they are relieved that I can’t be leisurely home with a latte writing but am on the same American hamster wheel that everyone seems to be on:)
This is super interesting—I don’t know anybody who is so wealthy they’d outsource every chore, but I do know loads of upper middle class people who seem torn in a million directions, myself included. I notice that busyness for me is a boundary issue. I don’t know how to say “no” to a lot of things—even great things!—and it costs me. For example, a dream day looks like this: 1) hang with kids 2) write 3) exercise 4) hang with kids 5) cook 6) enjoy time with my husband who makes me laugh 7) SLEEP. It does not, honestly, include calls for various non profit boards, or coffee with friends, and yet so often I give little bits away to exactly those things. I wish I weren’t so busy, and yet I don’t do enough to change it. But the boards and the social life feel like a flex I can’t lose, even when they chafe!
Hi Isabel! It is interesting what we choose to accept (like a Substack Live invite!) and what we turn down. Not for profit Boards are alluring and necessary but tough in terms of time demands and often the meetings are not substantive. I used to be on three at a time but now I try to do discrete projects.
This essay on this subject is timely for me. In the ancient world and indeed up to maybe the 1950s not needing to work was high status,and I think of Alfred Doolittle in My Fair Lady "someone else can do the blinkin' work". He says," I'm one of the undeserving poor and that's the way I likes it". I've always gardened. How lovely you might say. You create visions of beauty by the work of your hands ( not as a job,being a pro gardener is no fun,all cutting hedges and lawns). Well,in my case,it's,"that's nice dear,well,it gives you something to do'. Maybe thats a similar in spirit to the reaction you relate. A bit of scribbling,so relaxing.
Great post, David! I’m behind on my reading so there are a couple of yours I still need to catch up on, but I’m glad I read this. The cliqueyness of the 0.1% is so boring and limited. ‘Busy’ is one of my least favorite words. I try not to use it and recoil when I hear anyone say it. As for your own words, not only are they thought-provoking about society, they often make me think about how I use mine. Keep writing!
To those who are not writers or mindful readers, writing looks dilettante-ishly easy. That’s why they don’t respect it. They think you toss it off between tennis and a manicure. The only possible justification for writing is a bestseller. I once had a very good dentist who would ask, at every appointment, how my bestselling thriller was going.
I’m a FT writer and always have been. (Formerly, I was a newspaper editor.) The general public believes this to be a leisurely little hobby and it can be — nothing wrong with that.
But anyone who attempts to support themselves as a writer will quickly realize how hard it is. Few people can do it unless by writing they mean ad copy. (I do a bit of this on a freelance basis, so no shade.)
I published two books last year. I’m presently posting 5 pieces to Substack each week. This is not a little hobby I perform for fun! It’s really, really hard.
I recently read a book by Janice Mason Steeves called, “Bloom: On Becoming an Artist Later in Life.” It mirrors what you’re writing about here: having the opportunity to put more effort into art (whatever that art is, though she was mostly talking about the visual kind) once your first (or second, or third) career is behind you. Finding strength and courage and confidence in creating as a job or purposeful task.
For my two cents, as always having been more of a creative person, sometimes I wonder if pursuing creativity without shame or embarrassment threatens those with more traditional jobs. Creatives, except for the few making buckets of money with global fame, are easy to dismiss or make fun of as useless or flighty, unserious people.
It’s interesting; I’m asked regularly to do things for free: give speeches, MC events, give “a quick look” to someone’s report, feedback on marketing text … all tasks that are seemingly necessary and required, but there’s no money in the budget for these creative endeavours. But I’m “so good at it!” so I should just *want* to do these things for free.
A bit of a ramble there, sorry … you’ve got me thinking!
Erin, that was a good ramble! There is a deep current of anti-intellectualism running throughout American history. And yes, people wouldn't casually ask a lawyer to review a contract fro free.
OMG David I second all of this so much. People are constantly telling me how busy they are and it is infuriating.
I have no flexes. And, if anyone ever catches me using that word in reference to myself they have permission to kick me right in the balls.
I came to say my only flex is never feeling like I need to. I may be missing out on something, but I don’t feel like I am.
Thanks Henny. The ultimate flex=no flex!
I came close to spitting my coffee across the room reading this. Well done!
Thanks John, that made my day!
If, as a working class person (my class), you get to occasionally taste the freedom of true leisure and by extension get exposure to those who are lucky enough to live a life of it then you know having your time is the ultimate flex/wealth. MM also gets a lot of critique for a variety of reasons. There’s an incredible piece on here called Let Her Cook which expresses my feelings on her entirely; a line in the piece says something to the effect of “since when have people been uncomfortable with a black woman knowing her way around a large kitchen and a plot of land?” and so you get the point. But anyway, she didn’t grow up in the 0.1% like many of the folks in that world did or anywhere close to it, but instead was raised by a single black mom. Despite her major come uppance in life, would imagine she likely has a completely different relationship to work/money.
Fair point Chandra. Although Emily Kirkpatrick's point about MM exploiting her celebrity to sell overpriced goods is also fair.
Is it? (Fair?) Or are we singling MM out for doing exactly what every other celebrity is doing (please see Hailey Bieber’s recent sale of her Rhode business for $1B)? I would also argue that no one is forcing anyone to purchase celebrity-made products, so perhaps the issue is not celebs looking for ways to remain busy but rather non-celebs looking for ways to spend their money in an attempt to “live like the rich & famous”. It takes two to tango.
Thanks Eva for looking at it from a different angle. True, no one is forcing anyone to buy MM's jar of jam. I think what struck Emily the wrong way was the attempt by MM to promote a DIY ethos, which Emily found discordant. There is a market for these celeb brands and the rest of us non-celebs create that market. I guess the question is more about how MM or other celebs who are de facto role models choose to use their influence.
Ah, the influence point is certainly an interesting one! By the way, on the topic of MM specifically, I highly recommend Anne Helen Petersen’s Culture Study podcast episode about “With Love, Meghan” - it gets into the DIY dissonance and many other related topics.
(Also, I forgot to mention that this - your post about busyness - was a great piece!)
Thanks Eva. I subscribe to Anne and really enjoy her writing.
I think this is fascinating. Having lots of friends in France, their view of busyness later in life is rather senseless. In some ways, the greatest freedom is indeed to be free of unnecessary tasks. It is true that this is often correlated with wealth; however, I am also interested in individuals who have simplified their lives to such a degree that they have the luxury of time even though they may not be financially wealthy. Perhaps wealth needs redefining…
Thanks Dominic. I think that there is guilt in America of not being busy or not participating in the various status games. I'm a product of that and am struggling with greater simplicity. Are writing and thinking and reading "pure" or are they too a status game? I'm wrestling with that.
Writing, reading, writing pure. And thinking. Trying to get myself off the addiction of busyness. Really trying to establish an entirely different phase…I’d love to catch up sometime soon.
I think in America it’s hard to disentangle any pursuit from status - whether power, fame, capital. But of course, the most life affirming and satisfying place to write from is not tied to any of these external metrics
David, this is SUCH a good question! “Are writing and reading and thinking pure?”
Not if you feel guilty about it.
Yet, if weren't for guilt, our (American) GDP would surely implode, yes?
As a retiree, I use volunteering to keep my levels of busyness (and purpose I guess) at the level that makes me feel comfortable. The ways we fill our time show so much about us. (And reading is such a pleasure, so thank you to all the writers I follow. The results of your busyness are much appreciated.)
Thanks Beth!
I’m at a different stage of life to you David but I relate to what you’re saying about how being busy = status for many people. I’m a new teacher doing casual teaching at the moment and although I’m not earning much money (since I’m only working for one school sporadically) it gives me time to write and read—time which my teacher friends don’t have. They don’t really understand why I don’t just get another job or expand my network of schools. But I don’t mind. The stuff I’m doing outside of casual teaching is valuable and I just know that it’s gonna help me to become a great teacher in the future.
P.s if you read this comment a couple of times my apologies!! I kept accidentally clicking the send button 😅
Thanks for the comment Naomi. You are being very intentional about growing your teacher capabilities and many future students will be the beneficiaries.
I absolutely loved this and yes yes yes. fully and completely yes. following inner authority, and not our perception of what society expects of us - control of outer authority keeping us busy enough to ignore what’s going on - will be the new and vital flex.
I wrestle with the need to be busy as well. After retiring at 58, I also “became” a freelance writer. Having a deadline for my bi-weekly columns gives me some sense of busyness and purpose but I am working on reducing the need to be “productive” all the time. What does that even mean? Being productive? You are right that people confer status on those who are busy. Busy, busy, busy. It’s a buzz phrase that people use to feel important and needed. You are a much more disciplined writer than I, by the way. I admire the level of research that goes into your writing. There I go again, extolling the virtue of hard work.. lol. Great essay. Looking forward to your novel.
Midlife, none of us are immune to the Protestant Work Ethic! Thanks for your praise!
Superior. Writing, too. Next: try anonymity. I'm failing, but it's been fun.
Nice. Status games are always on-going and as Rob Henderson so well explains, the 'elite' are always changing it up to stay ahead of the rabble (who always ends up adopting the same symbols, eventually).
Steven, I think elite standards do filter down. For better or worse.
Another great substack submission. Only a real writer would post a new article on Memorial Day Weekend instead of a repeat so you would have the week off David! (And last week's essay caused me to stop and watch the movie "Bonfire of the Vanities" again so thanks, it was fun). My current flex is the need to show that I am transitioning into retirement elegantly, so people know I'm winding down a beloved career but remain "worthy" to society by what I still do. Which is accurate but insane since I don't have to prove anything to anyone, except my children. One day, when I run into my H. and he asks me what am I doing, my flex wish is to reply candidly "Whatever I want. And you?" Be well all.
Sharon, "whatever I want" is a great reply. I think that's also what Napoleon Dynamite says, if you remember that quirky movie.
As a writer -I understand the weird reactions and perceptions people have when you announce “I am a writer.” As your occupation (or purpose.) i have 2 other “jobs” to pay the bills until I become Stephen King and I see people’s expression change when I say “But I am also a makeup artist and realtor.” Like they are relieved that I can’t be leisurely home with a latte writing but am on the same American hamster wheel that everyone seems to be on:)
Nicole, If you are doing something different, some people tend to react with suspicion because they take it as an implicit "diss" to themselves.
Writing isn’t leisure! It’s grueling.
This is super interesting—I don’t know anybody who is so wealthy they’d outsource every chore, but I do know loads of upper middle class people who seem torn in a million directions, myself included. I notice that busyness for me is a boundary issue. I don’t know how to say “no” to a lot of things—even great things!—and it costs me. For example, a dream day looks like this: 1) hang with kids 2) write 3) exercise 4) hang with kids 5) cook 6) enjoy time with my husband who makes me laugh 7) SLEEP. It does not, honestly, include calls for various non profit boards, or coffee with friends, and yet so often I give little bits away to exactly those things. I wish I weren’t so busy, and yet I don’t do enough to change it. But the boards and the social life feel like a flex I can’t lose, even when they chafe!
Hi Isabel! It is interesting what we choose to accept (like a Substack Live invite!) and what we turn down. Not for profit Boards are alluring and necessary but tough in terms of time demands and often the meetings are not substantive. I used to be on three at a time but now I try to do discrete projects.
Isabel, let’s talk about your typical day on our LIVE! (Fri June 6th - 11 AM Eastern). David, hope you’ll tune in!
This essay on this subject is timely for me. In the ancient world and indeed up to maybe the 1950s not needing to work was high status,and I think of Alfred Doolittle in My Fair Lady "someone else can do the blinkin' work". He says," I'm one of the undeserving poor and that's the way I likes it". I've always gardened. How lovely you might say. You create visions of beauty by the work of your hands ( not as a job,being a pro gardener is no fun,all cutting hedges and lawns). Well,in my case,it's,"that's nice dear,well,it gives you something to do'. Maybe thats a similar in spirit to the reaction you relate. A bit of scribbling,so relaxing.
Thanks Jane. Gardening is a mystery to me so I've great admiration for anyone who does it.
Great post, David! I’m behind on my reading so there are a couple of yours I still need to catch up on, but I’m glad I read this. The cliqueyness of the 0.1% is so boring and limited. ‘Busy’ is one of my least favorite words. I try not to use it and recoil when I hear anyone say it. As for your own words, not only are they thought-provoking about society, they often make me think about how I use mine. Keep writing!
Hi Petra! Thanks for the comment. You made me think about how annoying the sound of a busy signal is on a landline phone.
To those who are not writers or mindful readers, writing looks dilettante-ishly easy. That’s why they don’t respect it. They think you toss it off between tennis and a manicure. The only possible justification for writing is a bestseller. I once had a very good dentist who would ask, at every appointment, how my bestselling thriller was going.
This!
I’m a FT writer and always have been. (Formerly, I was a newspaper editor.) The general public believes this to be a leisurely little hobby and it can be — nothing wrong with that.
But anyone who attempts to support themselves as a writer will quickly realize how hard it is. Few people can do it unless by writing they mean ad copy. (I do a bit of this on a freelance basis, so no shade.)
I published two books last year. I’m presently posting 5 pieces to Substack each week. This is not a little hobby I perform for fun! It’s really, really hard.
Michelle, I'm a big fan of your writing.
And I of yours. I really appreciate that you tell stories almost nobody else does.
Rona, I've had this conversation many times in the past.
"You're a writer, what are are you writing?"
Me" "A novel"
"Is it fiction?"
This conversation belongs in the novel.
Busy vs Purpose.
I recently read a book by Janice Mason Steeves called, “Bloom: On Becoming an Artist Later in Life.” It mirrors what you’re writing about here: having the opportunity to put more effort into art (whatever that art is, though she was mostly talking about the visual kind) once your first (or second, or third) career is behind you. Finding strength and courage and confidence in creating as a job or purposeful task.
For my two cents, as always having been more of a creative person, sometimes I wonder if pursuing creativity without shame or embarrassment threatens those with more traditional jobs. Creatives, except for the few making buckets of money with global fame, are easy to dismiss or make fun of as useless or flighty, unserious people.
It’s interesting; I’m asked regularly to do things for free: give speeches, MC events, give “a quick look” to someone’s report, feedback on marketing text … all tasks that are seemingly necessary and required, but there’s no money in the budget for these creative endeavours. But I’m “so good at it!” so I should just *want* to do these things for free.
A bit of a ramble there, sorry … you’ve got me thinking!
Erin, that was a good ramble! There is a deep current of anti-intellectualism running throughout American history. And yes, people wouldn't casually ask a lawyer to review a contract fro free.