I used to often ask the hypothetical question of “Would you rather meet one of your great, great grandparents or one of your great, great, grandchildren?” If events proceed as hoped for, I will in November become a grandfather for the first time, and my ancestor/descendent question will take a step from the strictly hypothetical toward the direction of the actual.
David, I have opened a comment window while I have your post open in another window because I'm finding the need to jump in here and there. Twice now, so I will indulge myself. First, congratulations to all, and especially you, because as little as I know you I know the others not at all. Second, the hypothetical question gets interrupted by reality, which leaves us no choice in these matters. As to your parenthetical comment in which you meet your perceived obligation to the parents, nonsense. Good for them, of course, but one of the grandparent questions you will soon consider is this: Why didn't I skip children and just go to grandchildren? Trust me, that question is coming. Back to your column, but I'm sure I'll return here, not done with you just yet.
About that gravitational shift. That's not quite how it goes. Yes, they take on more specific gravity by becoming a family, but you take on a bit of gravitas by being a grandparent. Oh, by the way, don't think you will be without new responsibilities. Back to column.
That primordial anticipation thing? I think you're on to something, and maybe for you it will be exactly what you think, but here's how it hit me with my first grandchild. There was a moment when I was aware of how Life goes on and my small place in it. When I first saw Elijah, I was forcefully struck by the moment, thinking, "So this is how it works. This is the start of a whole new generation." I did not feel larger or smaller, just more aware of my having a place in the march of time.
Parenting miscues are most often forgotten, especially once those same parents take their place doing all that is asked and all they can for their grandchildren. It helps that the new parents are now feeling fully overwhelmed and occupied with being parents.
That bit about your daughter not needing your advice, etc, will hold until she realizes she does. Patience. You have to wait for it quietly so she will ask, but she will ask one day. Oh, yes, you will have to wait for it. and wait. and wait.
Finally, let my reply be longer than your post, Welcome to the grandparent club. (We don't use the word cult here.)
Thanks Josh for your congratulations and all your insights. I especially loved your description of how you felt upon seeing your first grandchild: "I did not feel larger or smaller, just more aware of my having a place in the march of time." Beautifully stated.
I suspect I'm already feeling that just a little.
And of course you will be proven right that I will consider myself not a member of a cult but of a club!
Ah, I chuckled at that last line. Of course you are feeling it a bit already and it will grow with time. But that first moment, it will likely explode and engulf you in the wonderment of it all.
I don't love my first any more than the others, but that first moment only happens once.
I love this column! My wife and I have been married 45 years and no children so its all the great and great great grandparents.
I often say few people remember or know their great grandparents, let alone the maiden names.
My wifes grandparents were born circa 1885 Poland. Mine also about 1885 West Virginia
Truly moving. Be forewarned- you may be at a loss for words when your first grandchild enters your world.
Great piece. So much enjoyed it. Thank you.
David, I have opened a comment window while I have your post open in another window because I'm finding the need to jump in here and there. Twice now, so I will indulge myself. First, congratulations to all, and especially you, because as little as I know you I know the others not at all. Second, the hypothetical question gets interrupted by reality, which leaves us no choice in these matters. As to your parenthetical comment in which you meet your perceived obligation to the parents, nonsense. Good for them, of course, but one of the grandparent questions you will soon consider is this: Why didn't I skip children and just go to grandchildren? Trust me, that question is coming. Back to your column, but I'm sure I'll return here, not done with you just yet.
About that gravitational shift. That's not quite how it goes. Yes, they take on more specific gravity by becoming a family, but you take on a bit of gravitas by being a grandparent. Oh, by the way, don't think you will be without new responsibilities. Back to column.
That primordial anticipation thing? I think you're on to something, and maybe for you it will be exactly what you think, but here's how it hit me with my first grandchild. There was a moment when I was aware of how Life goes on and my small place in it. When I first saw Elijah, I was forcefully struck by the moment, thinking, "So this is how it works. This is the start of a whole new generation." I did not feel larger or smaller, just more aware of my having a place in the march of time.
Parenting miscues are most often forgotten, especially once those same parents take their place doing all that is asked and all they can for their grandchildren. It helps that the new parents are now feeling fully overwhelmed and occupied with being parents.
That bit about your daughter not needing your advice, etc, will hold until she realizes she does. Patience. You have to wait for it quietly so she will ask, but she will ask one day. Oh, yes, you will have to wait for it. and wait. and wait.
Finally, let my reply be longer than your post, Welcome to the grandparent club. (We don't use the word cult here.)
Thanks Josh for your congratulations and all your insights. I especially loved your description of how you felt upon seeing your first grandchild: "I did not feel larger or smaller, just more aware of my having a place in the march of time." Beautifully stated.
I suspect I'm already feeling that just a little.
And of course you will be proven right that I will consider myself not a member of a cult but of a club!
Ah, I chuckled at that last line. Of course you are feeling it a bit already and it will grow with time. But that first moment, it will likely explode and engulf you in the wonderment of it all.
I don't love my first any more than the others, but that first moment only happens once.
Enjoy the ride, happy to have you along!
Great one!!!
Wonderful essay! You've expressed some of the feelings I have better than I could, and given me more to ponder as I await my grandchild-to-be!