I was just introduced to a 501c3 organization called Scholars of Finance, which is trying to inculcate values of integrity and purpose in undergraduate business school students and recent graduates who go in to finance.
That's a great idea. It might also be a good idea to form a connection between the Elders of Finance and that group who are pushing hard at work while also starting, or having, young families. Then need the wisdom to understand that work is not everything. They may be at that point where they are living to work and not working for a living, the latter to suggest that there is more to life than just work, in particular family relationships; spouses and children and all that.
Dave, you hooked me with this one! I so appreciate your thoughtful comments about “enough,” especially at this stage of your life where you do have enough. (I’m 10 years ahead of you, as is my husband, and while he’s not an avid Substack reader I know he would agree.) I was also struck by your recounting of your relationship with your boss, a hard-driving, semi oblivious, and very successful “C” student whereas you were the “A” student who worked for him. I know finance “guys” just like that. Perhaps it’s not really true that an “unexamined” life is not worth living. At any rate, thanks for a great Saturday read.
I’m realizing as I’m reading this that my biggest problem is that I never focus on one thing at a time...one isn’t enough. If I’m watching TV, I’m also trying to read something. If I’m working, I’m also trying to pay attention to a podcasts. I’ll try and shift my focus this week and let what I’m doing be enough.
Also, Oppenheimer is very similar to the book American Prometheus. Except Kitty is more sympathetic in the movie, if you can believe that.
Some how, along the way, we were taught the notion that multi-tasking is a skill to be developed. I disagree with the concept. There is no such thing, as we really just skip from one thing to another and back and to another and back, etc. Worse, we deprive ourselves of real concentration on any one thing while we chase the myth and what do we get? Tension. Do one thing at a time, only stopping to note what else has to be done but refocusing on the task at hand. I do woodwork and the way it occupies my mind, not allowing anything else in, is just wonderful. Whatever else needs to be done will still be there later. Calm, like a good nap, is a wonderful thing.
I really enjoyed this thoughtful and insightful essay. I'm the same age as you. The question "how much is enough?" is one I often pose myself. How much money, is enough, how much free time is enough, how much of anything. In terms of money, I fall back on "a modest sufficiency" being enough, though that may also be partly that I know I'll never have more than that. Free time is more complicated. In theory, I want it all to be free (free to read, mostly, but also to think, and to write) . But apart from the need to continue working part time, I recognise I have obligations to others in terms of time, as well as money. So it's always about compromising, striking a balance and in reality it swings from enough free time to not enough, constantly. I haven't quite taken to my hammock permanently.
Thanks Jeffrey. Your approach makes a lot of sense. It is a pendulum between enough and not enough free time. And I don't know anyone (personally) who doesn't have to compromise.
I remember being in the last year of training at a Psychoanalytic Institute and I was still a young man -- I came in second in a Four Wall Handball Tournament and bemoaned the fact ( in passing) to my Psychoanalytic Supervisor who was a very wise man and Director of the Institute---
He said "Number 2 is pretty good" --
I said "I should have done better"
He recommended the book Neurosis and Human Growth by Karen Horney and in particular a Chapter entitled The Tyranny of the Should
I found it very useful at the time and never forgot some of the "lessons" in it
This is a timely piece for me. Having spent the last 24 years in military I will be retiring in about six months. My wife and I came to this decision because we were seeing diminishing returns on continued service. I have spent so much time deployed and missed out on so many family things that I began to count to opportunity cost. While I have been successful in my career and worked hard to climb the promotion ladder, the future of my career doesn't change much. If I continue serving then it means more deployments, more missed family opportunities, etc... The financial benefit of continued service does not compensate for the burnout I feel. I am in my mid-40s and I am asking myself where I can do the most good. Like everyone, I want to be financially secure but I think doing something with the second half of my life that pays off in contentment and happiness will be even more valuable than chasing promotions and paychecks.
My younger brother also retired from the Navy about a year ago. He asked many of the same questions you pose and that I am asking myself. He wanted to have an impact not just on his own family but for others in similar situations. I found it interesting that you discussed legacy because he created his own business call A Long Legacy. Obviously a play on our name but also relevant to the focus he wanted to teach others. He has a cool website where talking about his journey. https://alonglegacy.com/
Thanks again for tackling this great and timely topic. It has given me a lot to think about.
Matthew, congratulations. I salute your service and your decision to retire and explore more of life. You have spent your time well, it seems, and now you get to spend more of your time in other meaningful ways. There was a time in my life when I made a career decision that would cost me money (missed potential income) but afforded me more time with those I love and I have never regretted it. So long as you are open to it, you will find a path that will be rewarding and better balanced for you. No one else' standards are relevant.
Josh, thanks for the kind words and the words of encouragement. The military definitely provided my wife and I with good opportunities to support our family as well as paying for both of my degrees. Very few regrets aside from the time away from family. But I am excited to start a new adventure. I am glad your choice worked out for you and I have high hopes for mine as well.
Congrats and thank you for your service. My step brother was career military but had to retire because of health issues. He’s able to consult using his expertise. All the best to you.
Dave, This was an excellent piece. We are about the same age but I was a professional farrier forcibly retired now. I've been thinking about being closer to the end than the beginning and legacy. Is doing your best enough? Was it all worthwhile? Why did I turn left instead of right? I feel like my obituary would only be an announcement about the time and place of the service.
I also liked the part describing your friend. I've never thought of it before but I have a dear friend going back to Boy Scouts who is exactly like that and that's why I wanted to be friends with him.
You gave me a little clarity on a Saturday morning. Thank you. John
It seems you’re still in the game at 61, Dave, so that’s not bad at all, maestro! Count your blessings before your next nap and you’ll wake up refreshed and ready to go! And btw, thanks for the recommendations. I love Laura Kennedy’s stuff so will check out the others. Here’s a football watching tip, if you are so inclined: if you’re getting Red Zone you may also be able to watch full-game replays, so if it’s a great day for a walk or some other form of enjoyable goofing off, you can catch the ball off-schedule. As a devotee of a non-local team that’s frequently blacked-out anyway I have found that a nice alternative to over-priced sports bars. As far as success goes, a few observations from another angle...
Questioning success ‘metrics’ from an early point can be helpful indeed. But we’re all subject to forces beyond our control, which is perhaps the best reason for assuming such an attitude anyway. An enviable existence might be snuffed in an instant, one brought about by the very same accomplishments that seem admirable. And that’s not meant to deride achievement per se - simply a nod to the hand of fate.
For my part, the die was cast early. My mother died of cancer when I was young - almost 11. My dad, a boarded thoracic surgeon working at the time as a GP in a tiny western town, gave up his practice and moved to LA shortly thereafter to work as an MD for hire. By the time I entered high school I was a member of an integrated step-family, a situation that lasted about 3 years. My school and the near-in suburb it served - an ‘All-American City’, according to city hall - was going through a dramatic demographic shift, and kids who went there in those years gained experience navigating a diverse sub-society decades before most other Americans ever noticed the social evolution transpiring around them. Having known exactly no one on day 1 of high school I managed to gain some great friendships and enough feathers in my cap to gain entry into a competitive public U. Lacking math chops but being able to draw, I aimed for fame as an artist. The old man wasn’t really enthused but didn’t do anything to block me, and the social security I collected as a student on my mom’s account afforded me the opportunity to try.
Fortunately it didn’t take too long to get wise, and when I got married a few years later - having acquired a distaste for corporate life in an entry level job - being a public school teacher seemed a good choice. Flash forward 35 years and I’m still ok with it. We had 3 kids and I also got an MA in art history and an admin cert along the way. Luck came and went but on the cusp of retirement I’m living in a house I like, am still married, and by the look of it both of those all that will continue, paid for adequately by a decent pension. I’ve got a couple years on you but feel like I’m also still in the game. The paintings and writing waiting for me around the corner are something to look forward to. I ended the first full day of summer at a rooftop barbecue in Seoul, where my ESL teaching son’s boxing coach and his wife introduced us to some of their friends. Among them was a sweet young woman who played the flute and dedicated the first song to me as a birthday present. She wasn’t sure of the title, but it was immediately recognizable a couple notes in: Amazing Grace. Everyone should be so lucky.
"Count your blessings before your next nap and you’ll wake up refreshed and ready to go! " I do this every night and it is its own reward. Gratitude is a powerful force.
Amazing grace! How fitting. Thanks for sharing your journey so far. I hope you consider sharing some of your writing and art on Substack! You clearly have a lot to offer.
Enough! Let yourself be. I'm 75, not wealthy in the usual terms yet the loves in my life make me rich beyond compare. That is enough. I see my children as parents, raising my grandchildren. Surely, that is enough even in terms of legacy. My granddaughter uses stories I've told to make the same points I do. That is enough. My daughter, when the question came up, offered me her kidney in a NY minute (the shortest measure of time known to man). That is enough. I could go on and on about my kids, grand and Kim, the love of my life, but that would be too much. I see a world full of conflict but I see the next generation's good hearts, making their communities a better place. I have a hobby that affords me all the creative opportunity I need only steps away. I have enough. From the little bit I gather about you, David, you have more than enough not taking your business success or financial wealth into account at all. So, I say to you, enough of the chase for enough. Perhaps you already have it and what you do going forward, your wonderful efforts to help others, can simply be more than enough and wouldn't that be good?
You have created a good space here, offering interesting topics and personal remarks and leaving it open for all of us to chime in and I appreciate that.
Office Space is one of my absolute faves! Good choice here 🤭.
‘Enough’ and ‘free time’ have seismically shifted for me with my long COVID disability. My life has a clear dividing line: BEFORE, when I was an overachieving non-profit executive in crisis-based trauma work with hobbies that were nearly all physically taxing, and AFTER, when I am too fatigued to shower most days. A few months before I threw in the towel, I had just gotten a raise and was making the most I’d ever made (and probably double what I ever thought I’d make with a masters in social work). To give that up was extremely painful, especially since my husband took a planned retirement from his well-paid government job about six days after my first COVID symptom (which neither of us ever doubted I’d recover from by his last day, but here we are).
He gets a pension and works p/t, and I get private disability, but the flow of those checks is tenuous at best. They could kick me off at any time. Money is unbelievably tight. BUT, I’ve definitely learned the real meaning of “enough.” Can we pay our mortgage, feed ourselves and the cats, heat our home? Yes, for now we can. And I have more unread books than I can possibly read in the next three years and plenty of streaming options. Now, when I buy a lotion I don’t like, let’s say, I use it all up before trying something else. In the before times, I’d have donated it or just dumped it.
And I have my Substack newsletter, and great engagement there. And I have love around me - so much, from my partner, my kitties, my friends and (some of my) family. When your world closes in on you, what really matters eventually comes into stark relief.
Free time is another thing. I have tons of it, but the cruel irony is I have so little energy. It’s funny to think about multitasking, even with leisure activities, because a) my brain can’t multitask much of anything anymore and b) imagine only being able to do 2-3 “things” a day, including showering, reading, writing, watching TV (amidst the “have to dos” like doctor and lab appointments, paperwork to keep the disability $ flowing, etc. My husband reframed these for me as my “job” now, and he’s right. I earn my money by continuing to prove my worthiness for a benefit my employer paid in for me for years and years, with a condition that has no known treatments or cure, and hence doesn’t change from month to month in spite of my need to prove I still have it).
Long answer, sorry! I enjoyed this piece of yours very much. The non-profit finance agency you mentioned in the comments sounds like a great fit for you; I hope you find it fulfilling. Keep us posted on that?
Thanks Amy for sharing your story. Your husband sounds like a wonderful and wise partner to have accurately reframed your day to day. I look forward to continuing to read your Substack!
Hmmm. I must confess, I found this one a bit muddled. Anyone who defines success as "how much" is pretty much doomed to disappointment, even despair. Success should not be measured in magnitude, but should be dependent on where and how you look for it. Van Gogh was deemed a failure in his lifetime, as was Manet. The great painter of the period was Meissonier. Ever hear of him? He's got a painting in the Met of Napoleon's retreat. Not bad, but he's not in the same universe as the other two.
We both write because we believe we have things to say that will make other people think about issues we consider important. How many readers do either of us need to make us successful? Or does the success come with the effort we put in to produce our work? (By the way, to me you are extremely successful. I don't read many of these but look forward to yours each week.
Dan Brown sold about a gazillion books but was miserable because among the literati he was considered a hack writer. In the end, we can only control our own process, not the result. That is not to say, of course, that ignoring results is easy. It isn't. But that makes it all the more important to judge success by the effort we put into a task we believe in, and, to the best degree possible, stop worrying how it looks to anyone else, beyond those we care about and respect the most.
If muddle-ment is the charge, I plead guilty. I am generally satisfied with my efforts at the various spheres of my life. But periodically i'll revisit old dreams of glory (many from my childhood) and feel I could have done more, which is not money or subscribers, but impact, a big word, like legacy, that has almost endless capacity, but like pornography, I know it when I see it. (Editor: please make clear that I was referring to the famous SCJ saying).
Haha. It was Potter Stewart who was such a bluenose, I always wondered if he actually would know it if he saw it. On the other, we all could have done more...or less. But living with ifs is, well, a waste of time. There's an old Yiddish saying about if. "If my grandmother had a schlong, she be my grandfather." Not deep, I admit, but, you should excuse the term, pointed.
Glad you liked it. In the end, the key is in how success is defined, which should be a personal decision but too often is not. And don't underestimate how much we're trained to be 'umble (sorry, Uriah Heep), which often carries over to how we view ourselves. A little arrogance (but not too much) is not such a bad thing.
Great piece. The difference between you and your former boss highlight your awareness. I wonder if it was his ambition that drove him or not having enough. Maybe they are one and the same.
It’s interesting how money looms greatest when we ask ourselves What is enough? Hubby is on a radical sabbatical pining for the day he can retire but alas we are 60 and 62 and not in the position yet. We both have always volunteered with organizations that remind us we have plenty.
I've switched careers multiple times. It's typically come down to burnout. I reach a stage that I didn't enjoy what I was doing. It wasn't enough, it was too much, my purpose changed. Here I am now, a few years old that you, enjoying another reinvention of my "self" with the luxury of being "retired" - if there is such a thing. I've always been a Type A workaholic. Slowing down has been a challenge, only managed by health issues forcing me to step back and honoring that need. Great read David!
Thanks so much, Isha. That means a lot.
Not a bad mindset at all!
Thanks Isabel!
I was just introduced to a 501c3 organization called Scholars of Finance, which is trying to inculcate values of integrity and purpose in undergraduate business school students and recent graduates who go in to finance.
That's a great idea. It might also be a good idea to form a connection between the Elders of Finance and that group who are pushing hard at work while also starting, or having, young families. Then need the wisdom to understand that work is not everything. They may be at that point where they are living to work and not working for a living, the latter to suggest that there is more to life than just work, in particular family relationships; spouses and children and all that.
Dave, you hooked me with this one! I so appreciate your thoughtful comments about “enough,” especially at this stage of your life where you do have enough. (I’m 10 years ahead of you, as is my husband, and while he’s not an avid Substack reader I know he would agree.) I was also struck by your recounting of your relationship with your boss, a hard-driving, semi oblivious, and very successful “C” student whereas you were the “A” student who worked for him. I know finance “guys” just like that. Perhaps it’s not really true that an “unexamined” life is not worth living. At any rate, thanks for a great Saturday read.
Thanks Debbie. Appreciate the comment.
I’m realizing as I’m reading this that my biggest problem is that I never focus on one thing at a time...one isn’t enough. If I’m watching TV, I’m also trying to read something. If I’m working, I’m also trying to pay attention to a podcasts. I’ll try and shift my focus this week and let what I’m doing be enough.
Also, Oppenheimer is very similar to the book American Prometheus. Except Kitty is more sympathetic in the movie, if you can believe that.
Multi-tasking's a micro issue of "enough" that plagues us all!
Some how, along the way, we were taught the notion that multi-tasking is a skill to be developed. I disagree with the concept. There is no such thing, as we really just skip from one thing to another and back and to another and back, etc. Worse, we deprive ourselves of real concentration on any one thing while we chase the myth and what do we get? Tension. Do one thing at a time, only stopping to note what else has to be done but refocusing on the task at hand. I do woodwork and the way it occupies my mind, not allowing anything else in, is just wonderful. Whatever else needs to be done will still be there later. Calm, like a good nap, is a wonderful thing.
Caroline, may I also recommend a nap now and then. It can be a marvelous treat and also a bit of a reset button all in one.
Really enjoyed reading. I relate to much of what you shared (except that I have no interest in the Red Zone!)
Thanks for the comment, and I'm glad you enjoyed it.
If you ever decide to become a football fan, RZ will be waiting for you!
Haha. Me too. Hubby loves the Red Zone. Same with my adult kids.
I really enjoyed this thoughtful and insightful essay. I'm the same age as you. The question "how much is enough?" is one I often pose myself. How much money, is enough, how much free time is enough, how much of anything. In terms of money, I fall back on "a modest sufficiency" being enough, though that may also be partly that I know I'll never have more than that. Free time is more complicated. In theory, I want it all to be free (free to read, mostly, but also to think, and to write) . But apart from the need to continue working part time, I recognise I have obligations to others in terms of time, as well as money. So it's always about compromising, striking a balance and in reality it swings from enough free time to not enough, constantly. I haven't quite taken to my hammock permanently.
Thanks Jeffrey. Your approach makes a lot of sense. It is a pendulum between enough and not enough free time. And I don't know anyone (personally) who doesn't have to compromise.
Thanks Maureen. That's certainly a goal!
Enough time! There’s the rub. This piece has inspired conversation and other ilks of the Not enough theme.
Enough ---
I remember being in the last year of training at a Psychoanalytic Institute and I was still a young man -- I came in second in a Four Wall Handball Tournament and bemoaned the fact ( in passing) to my Psychoanalytic Supervisor who was a very wise man and Director of the Institute---
He said "Number 2 is pretty good" --
I said "I should have done better"
He recommended the book Neurosis and Human Growth by Karen Horney and in particular a Chapter entitled The Tyranny of the Should
I found it very useful at the time and never forgot some of the "lessons" in it
Thanks Steve.
"Should" is a loaded word!
It doesn’t really exist in Spanish the way we use it in English... that “should” say a lot
This is a timely piece for me. Having spent the last 24 years in military I will be retiring in about six months. My wife and I came to this decision because we were seeing diminishing returns on continued service. I have spent so much time deployed and missed out on so many family things that I began to count to opportunity cost. While I have been successful in my career and worked hard to climb the promotion ladder, the future of my career doesn't change much. If I continue serving then it means more deployments, more missed family opportunities, etc... The financial benefit of continued service does not compensate for the burnout I feel. I am in my mid-40s and I am asking myself where I can do the most good. Like everyone, I want to be financially secure but I think doing something with the second half of my life that pays off in contentment and happiness will be even more valuable than chasing promotions and paychecks.
My younger brother also retired from the Navy about a year ago. He asked many of the same questions you pose and that I am asking myself. He wanted to have an impact not just on his own family but for others in similar situations. I found it interesting that you discussed legacy because he created his own business call A Long Legacy. Obviously a play on our name but also relevant to the focus he wanted to teach others. He has a cool website where talking about his journey. https://alonglegacy.com/
Thanks again for tackling this great and timely topic. It has given me a lot to think about.
Thanks Matthew. I'm going to check out your brother's website.
Matthew, congratulations. I salute your service and your decision to retire and explore more of life. You have spent your time well, it seems, and now you get to spend more of your time in other meaningful ways. There was a time in my life when I made a career decision that would cost me money (missed potential income) but afforded me more time with those I love and I have never regretted it. So long as you are open to it, you will find a path that will be rewarding and better balanced for you. No one else' standards are relevant.
Josh, thanks for the kind words and the words of encouragement. The military definitely provided my wife and I with good opportunities to support our family as well as paying for both of my degrees. Very few regrets aside from the time away from family. But I am excited to start a new adventure. I am glad your choice worked out for you and I have high hopes for mine as well.
Congrats and thank you for your service. My step brother was career military but had to retire because of health issues. He’s able to consult using his expertise. All the best to you.
Dave, This was an excellent piece. We are about the same age but I was a professional farrier forcibly retired now. I've been thinking about being closer to the end than the beginning and legacy. Is doing your best enough? Was it all worthwhile? Why did I turn left instead of right? I feel like my obituary would only be an announcement about the time and place of the service.
I also liked the part describing your friend. I've never thought of it before but I have a dear friend going back to Boy Scouts who is exactly like that and that's why I wanted to be friends with him.
You gave me a little clarity on a Saturday morning. Thank you. John
John,
Thanks for the thoughtful comment. Life, imprecise as it is, is really more like horseshoes than any other game!
It seems you’re still in the game at 61, Dave, so that’s not bad at all, maestro! Count your blessings before your next nap and you’ll wake up refreshed and ready to go! And btw, thanks for the recommendations. I love Laura Kennedy’s stuff so will check out the others. Here’s a football watching tip, if you are so inclined: if you’re getting Red Zone you may also be able to watch full-game replays, so if it’s a great day for a walk or some other form of enjoyable goofing off, you can catch the ball off-schedule. As a devotee of a non-local team that’s frequently blacked-out anyway I have found that a nice alternative to over-priced sports bars. As far as success goes, a few observations from another angle...
Questioning success ‘metrics’ from an early point can be helpful indeed. But we’re all subject to forces beyond our control, which is perhaps the best reason for assuming such an attitude anyway. An enviable existence might be snuffed in an instant, one brought about by the very same accomplishments that seem admirable. And that’s not meant to deride achievement per se - simply a nod to the hand of fate.
For my part, the die was cast early. My mother died of cancer when I was young - almost 11. My dad, a boarded thoracic surgeon working at the time as a GP in a tiny western town, gave up his practice and moved to LA shortly thereafter to work as an MD for hire. By the time I entered high school I was a member of an integrated step-family, a situation that lasted about 3 years. My school and the near-in suburb it served - an ‘All-American City’, according to city hall - was going through a dramatic demographic shift, and kids who went there in those years gained experience navigating a diverse sub-society decades before most other Americans ever noticed the social evolution transpiring around them. Having known exactly no one on day 1 of high school I managed to gain some great friendships and enough feathers in my cap to gain entry into a competitive public U. Lacking math chops but being able to draw, I aimed for fame as an artist. The old man wasn’t really enthused but didn’t do anything to block me, and the social security I collected as a student on my mom’s account afforded me the opportunity to try.
Fortunately it didn’t take too long to get wise, and when I got married a few years later - having acquired a distaste for corporate life in an entry level job - being a public school teacher seemed a good choice. Flash forward 35 years and I’m still ok with it. We had 3 kids and I also got an MA in art history and an admin cert along the way. Luck came and went but on the cusp of retirement I’m living in a house I like, am still married, and by the look of it both of those all that will continue, paid for adequately by a decent pension. I’ve got a couple years on you but feel like I’m also still in the game. The paintings and writing waiting for me around the corner are something to look forward to. I ended the first full day of summer at a rooftop barbecue in Seoul, where my ESL teaching son’s boxing coach and his wife introduced us to some of their friends. Among them was a sweet young woman who played the flute and dedicated the first song to me as a birthday present. She wasn’t sure of the title, but it was immediately recognizable a couple notes in: Amazing Grace. Everyone should be so lucky.
"Count your blessings before your next nap and you’ll wake up refreshed and ready to go! " I do this every night and it is its own reward. Gratitude is a powerful force.
Amazing grace! How fitting. Thanks for sharing your journey so far. I hope you consider sharing some of your writing and art on Substack! You clearly have a lot to offer.
Enough! Let yourself be. I'm 75, not wealthy in the usual terms yet the loves in my life make me rich beyond compare. That is enough. I see my children as parents, raising my grandchildren. Surely, that is enough even in terms of legacy. My granddaughter uses stories I've told to make the same points I do. That is enough. My daughter, when the question came up, offered me her kidney in a NY minute (the shortest measure of time known to man). That is enough. I could go on and on about my kids, grand and Kim, the love of my life, but that would be too much. I see a world full of conflict but I see the next generation's good hearts, making their communities a better place. I have a hobby that affords me all the creative opportunity I need only steps away. I have enough. From the little bit I gather about you, David, you have more than enough not taking your business success or financial wealth into account at all. So, I say to you, enough of the chase for enough. Perhaps you already have it and what you do going forward, your wonderful efforts to help others, can simply be more than enough and wouldn't that be good?
“The loves in my life make me rich beyond compare—“ Beautiful. ❤️❤️
Josh, I agree with your conclusion and thank you for it. And I thank you as well for all the supportive and incisive comments you make.
You have created a good space here, offering interesting topics and personal remarks and leaving it open for all of us to chime in and I appreciate that.
Office Space is one of my absolute faves! Good choice here 🤭.
‘Enough’ and ‘free time’ have seismically shifted for me with my long COVID disability. My life has a clear dividing line: BEFORE, when I was an overachieving non-profit executive in crisis-based trauma work with hobbies that were nearly all physically taxing, and AFTER, when I am too fatigued to shower most days. A few months before I threw in the towel, I had just gotten a raise and was making the most I’d ever made (and probably double what I ever thought I’d make with a masters in social work). To give that up was extremely painful, especially since my husband took a planned retirement from his well-paid government job about six days after my first COVID symptom (which neither of us ever doubted I’d recover from by his last day, but here we are).
He gets a pension and works p/t, and I get private disability, but the flow of those checks is tenuous at best. They could kick me off at any time. Money is unbelievably tight. BUT, I’ve definitely learned the real meaning of “enough.” Can we pay our mortgage, feed ourselves and the cats, heat our home? Yes, for now we can. And I have more unread books than I can possibly read in the next three years and plenty of streaming options. Now, when I buy a lotion I don’t like, let’s say, I use it all up before trying something else. In the before times, I’d have donated it or just dumped it.
And I have my Substack newsletter, and great engagement there. And I have love around me - so much, from my partner, my kitties, my friends and (some of my) family. When your world closes in on you, what really matters eventually comes into stark relief.
Free time is another thing. I have tons of it, but the cruel irony is I have so little energy. It’s funny to think about multitasking, even with leisure activities, because a) my brain can’t multitask much of anything anymore and b) imagine only being able to do 2-3 “things” a day, including showering, reading, writing, watching TV (amidst the “have to dos” like doctor and lab appointments, paperwork to keep the disability $ flowing, etc. My husband reframed these for me as my “job” now, and he’s right. I earn my money by continuing to prove my worthiness for a benefit my employer paid in for me for years and years, with a condition that has no known treatments or cure, and hence doesn’t change from month to month in spite of my need to prove I still have it).
Long answer, sorry! I enjoyed this piece of yours very much. The non-profit finance agency you mentioned in the comments sounds like a great fit for you; I hope you find it fulfilling. Keep us posted on that?
Thanks Amy for sharing your story. Your husband sounds like a wonderful and wise partner to have accurately reframed your day to day. I look forward to continuing to read your Substack!
Hmmm. I must confess, I found this one a bit muddled. Anyone who defines success as "how much" is pretty much doomed to disappointment, even despair. Success should not be measured in magnitude, but should be dependent on where and how you look for it. Van Gogh was deemed a failure in his lifetime, as was Manet. The great painter of the period was Meissonier. Ever hear of him? He's got a painting in the Met of Napoleon's retreat. Not bad, but he's not in the same universe as the other two.
We both write because we believe we have things to say that will make other people think about issues we consider important. How many readers do either of us need to make us successful? Or does the success come with the effort we put in to produce our work? (By the way, to me you are extremely successful. I don't read many of these but look forward to yours each week.
Dan Brown sold about a gazillion books but was miserable because among the literati he was considered a hack writer. In the end, we can only control our own process, not the result. That is not to say, of course, that ignoring results is easy. It isn't. But that makes it all the more important to judge success by the effort we put into a task we believe in, and, to the best degree possible, stop worrying how it looks to anyone else, beyond those we care about and respect the most.
Larry,
If muddle-ment is the charge, I plead guilty. I am generally satisfied with my efforts at the various spheres of my life. But periodically i'll revisit old dreams of glory (many from my childhood) and feel I could have done more, which is not money or subscribers, but impact, a big word, like legacy, that has almost endless capacity, but like pornography, I know it when I see it. (Editor: please make clear that I was referring to the famous SCJ saying).
I appreciate the reality check!
Best,
David
Haha. It was Potter Stewart who was such a bluenose, I always wondered if he actually would know it if he saw it. On the other, we all could have done more...or less. But living with ifs is, well, a waste of time. There's an old Yiddish saying about if. "If my grandmother had a schlong, she be my grandfather." Not deep, I admit, but, you should excuse the term, pointed.
First time I heard that one. it made me laugh...a lot. Now, how to work that in to the next dinner conversation!
Depends who the other guests are.
Glad you liked it. In the end, the key is in how success is defined, which should be a personal decision but too often is not. And don't underestimate how much we're trained to be 'umble (sorry, Uriah Heep), which often carries over to how we view ourselves. A little arrogance (but not too much) is not such a bad thing.
Great piece. The difference between you and your former boss highlight your awareness. I wonder if it was his ambition that drove him or not having enough. Maybe they are one and the same.
It’s interesting how money looms greatest when we ask ourselves What is enough? Hubby is on a radical sabbatical pining for the day he can retire but alas we are 60 and 62 and not in the position yet. We both have always volunteered with organizations that remind us we have plenty.
I've switched careers multiple times. It's typically come down to burnout. I reach a stage that I didn't enjoy what I was doing. It wasn't enough, it was too much, my purpose changed. Here I am now, a few years old that you, enjoying another reinvention of my "self" with the luxury of being "retired" - if there is such a thing. I've always been a Type A workaholic. Slowing down has been a challenge, only managed by health issues forcing me to step back and honoring that need. Great read David!
Thanks Pamela. I have not been a career switcher. i think there's a fluidity in outlook that comes with that.
Indeed, career switchers have a different view of life than people who have been at a career for a long time.