Discussion about this post

User's avatar
Liya Marie's avatar

Great work! I could say so much about this. Some perspective that could be interesting: I have all the education and a few years ago, I started dating again after divorce — for the first time since my early 20s. I had very few preconceived notions about who I would date and was open to anyone who seemed friendly enough. But after a few experiences, I quickly learned that men were intimidated by my education/work. They didn’t want to have discussions or ask what I did; they didn’t want to hear about how I lived because it seemed too foreign to them. They just seemed uncomfortable around me.

Reluctantly, I realized that I probably wouldn’t hit it off with anyone who had less than an undergraduate education so I shouldn’t waste my time. The reality is that it’s hard to connect with someone when you have very different life experiences and I guess the less education someone has, the more likely they are to be turned off (in one way or another) by life experiences they’ve had little contact with. And I guess in this age of dating apps, where you screen potential dates with these criteria that often simply don’t matter much in a relationship (e.g. height! Who cares?), education becomes just another marker of who you probably will/will not hit it off with.

Given that the number of women with advanced degrees is growing significantly larger than the number of men, it’ll be interesting to see how these dynamics play out over the next few decades. I think both men and women have gone through so many changes in terms of the gendered expectations of our society. Perhaps more so than at any other time in history. It’s a lot to take in!

Expand full comment
Kirsten Powers's avatar

I can attest to how very real this is. While the elite have always had an advantage, they now have a stranglehold. If you use journalism which is my industry, when I was growing up in the 1970s and the 1980s, there were many highly successful journalists who didn’t go to college.

Now it’s very hard to find any who haven’t and most of them who are successful went to elite colleges if not Ivy League colleges. I am very unusual in having made it to the top of that industry while having attended a not super competitive state school – – University of Maryland – and with no family connections either. As I’m sure you know, and I think you were alluding to, getting into these elite colleges is really about making the connections.

I I don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting to make sure your children have a good life but I do think it’s important to use your connections to help people aren’t so fortunate and it’s good to hear that you’re doing that. I don’t have children, but I would do anything for my nieces, but I also make sure to constantly remind them how privileged they are. I think it’s important that they understand that they were born on third base so they don’t get confused and think that their success is something that’s inherent to them. Something I have come across is people who’ve had their parents connections helping them every step of the way, who think they’re better than other people because there’s something super special about them without realizing all the advantages they’ve had because of who they were born to.

Expand full comment
186 more comments...

No posts