I think you are disastrously right and are speaking out loud the thing the no one really wants to talk about, except in terms of sarcasm and resentment. Another aspect of this is the “crabs in a barrel,” “don’t get above your raising” mindset that seeks to impede superbly competent kids from moving up in the world. Some families don’t want to lose the kid. Some families resent the kid. It’s isolate and kind of inevitable.
This brings up another question: is it necessary to try to rise in the world? You say it’s in our DNA. At the same time, maybe the lifestyles of the off the grid and happy (loudly) or the limited expectations but under stressed need to be examined too.
I went from limited expectations to ferocious accomplishment. I take the heat from it. I reap the benefits. I’d do it again and am thankful I was able. And I pay it forward. Thanks for your rare candor in addressing this topic.
If you’re doing a book and want interviewees, I volunteer. It’s a fascinating subject.
Great work! I could say so much about this. Some perspective that could be interesting: I have all the education and a few years ago, I started dating again after divorce — for the first time since my early 20s. I had very few preconceived notions about who I would date and was open to anyone who seemed friendly enough. But after a few experiences, I quickly learned that men were intimidated by my education/work. They didn’t want to have discussions or ask what I did; they didn’t want to hear about how I lived because it seemed too foreign to them. They just seemed uncomfortable around me.
Reluctantly, I realized that I probably wouldn’t hit it off with anyone who had less than an undergraduate education so I shouldn’t waste my time. The reality is that it’s hard to connect with someone when you have very different life experiences and I guess the less education someone has, the more likely they are to be turned off (in one way or another) by life experiences they’ve had little contact with. And I guess in this age of dating apps, where you screen potential dates with these criteria that often simply don’t matter much in a relationship (e.g. height! Who cares?), education becomes just another marker of who you probably will/will not hit it off with.
Given that the number of women with advanced degrees is growing significantly larger than the number of men, it’ll be interesting to see how these dynamics play out over the next few decades. I think both men and women have gone through so many changes in terms of the gendered expectations of our society. Perhaps more so than at any other time in history. It’s a lot to take in!
I can attest to how very real this is. While the elite have always had an advantage, they now have a stranglehold. If you use journalism which is my industry, when I was growing up in the 1970s and the 1980s, there were many highly successful journalists who didn’t go to college.
Now it’s very hard to find any who haven’t and most of them who are successful went to elite colleges if not Ivy League colleges. I am very unusual in having made it to the top of that industry while having attended a not super competitive state school – – University of Maryland – and with no family connections either. As I’m sure you know, and I think you were alluding to, getting into these elite colleges is really about making the connections.
I I don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting to make sure your children have a good life but I do think it’s important to use your connections to help people aren’t so fortunate and it’s good to hear that you’re doing that. I don’t have children, but I would do anything for my nieces, but I also make sure to constantly remind them how privileged they are. I think it’s important that they understand that they were born on third base so they don’t get confused and think that their success is something that’s inherent to them. Something I have come across is people who’ve had their parents connections helping them every step of the way, who think they’re better than other people because there’s something super special about them without realizing all the advantages they’ve had because of who they were born to.
I think the question is not “Do we have a caste system?” But, “What is the degree of mobility from one caste to the other?”
There is no question that America has a caste system, otherwise we wouldn’t be talking about Elites and how they are precisely defined.
Americans have always been notoriously ambivalent about progressive taxation because we have had a high degree of social mobility; e.g., the American dream.
You could always move from the lowest caste to the highest cast simply by dint of hard work.
Caste has a negative connotation because we first learned about the five predetermined castes of birth from India.
There is no mobility from the lowest Untouchables to any of the other caste levels all the way up to the highest, the Brahmin.
But, can Americans still move up? Will our kids live better lives than we have lived?
Not everyone will want to pay the price (eg: work).
But, for those to do, they need to know that the system will reward them and is not rigged against them.
There’s also a sense of cultural displacement if you move from one “caste” to another… I went to a top school and you could tell who was “moneyed” and who wasn’t. I would argue that even if you lost a lot of your privileges (namely, wealth) tomorrow your identity and caste privileges would still very much exist. All this to say, I don’t think it’s just mobility/access; it’s also a cultural identity as well.
This was such a fascinating read and I admire you for speaking so thoughtfully about the parental imperative, even as it perhaps feels antithetical to a lot of your ideologies. I would be curious for you to explore the difference between social and financial capital. What are the limitations of each? Do you actually think they’re that interchangeable and confer the same kinds of privilege etc? What if you have one without the other? There’s tons of junior reporters working at The NY Times for instance who don’t come from wealthy backgrounds and still have to survive on a relatively meager salary — do they constitute “elites” as you describe at the end?
P.S. Been loving your newsletter since I discovered it last week!
Very glad to hear about Luis's acquittal! Now I wish there were some consequences for that prosecutorial overreach. Somehow I doubt there will be.
Jane Austen, Edith Wharton, Henry James, and many others were chiefly concerned, more than a century ago, with aristocrats trying to marry well. I might be wrong, but I think the national solidarity during the two world wars, and the social upheaval surrounding the Vietnam War, might have been anomalies in building a more expansive sense of common identity and purpose among Americans. We're now reverting to something more like the Gilded Age. That's probably the norm for human civilization, which is depressing in its own way.
Great read. Thank you. The concept of mobility is an interesting addition to the conversation here. I grew up on the border of working class and middle class, with little to no family privileges in terms of institutional connections, knowledge, or know-how. (I’m a first generation college student and I distinctly remember realizing on my first day of undergrad that my classes were all in different buildings— I’d never had the opportunity to go on a college visit beforehand and thus just never put that together until the first day.) After undergrad, I decided to become a teacher (certainly not an elite job). However, I was admitted to a master’s in education program at an Ivy League university. As I prepare to start a family, I wonder about what privileges and advantages my hard-wrought knowledge of the system will be able to give my children. I’m now aware of a whole world (a more elite world) than what I knew growing up. I don’t want them to lose touch with how my fiance and I grew up. I want them to earn their way. But you’re right… how could or would a parent possibly not use their advantages to help their own children, even if that advantage is just institutional knowledge and not generational privilege? What are my kids going to have access to that I didn’t? Again, thank you for this piece. It’s giving voice to something that I’ve been ruminating on recently.
I think the caste divide is between those who come from stable families and those who don't. Even the assortive mating among "elites" has more to do with a shared (unexpressed or even not explicitly realized) goal of building a stable family.
Our popular culture is toxic and a stable family is the main bulwark against falling behind cognitively, financially, and spiritually (becoming resilient). The effect is greater and longer lasting if the family is more expansive than a nuclear family (grandparents, uncles, aunts).
From my privileged perch and perspective, not at all exaggerated, David. Before I leave a comment on the significant content of your post, I want to offer up an observation of the picture of your brother celebrating his success. The pose looks like they are about to dance and well they could.
On other matters of the truth about the U.S. I have often used the GNH compared to the rank of the GDP as a measure of "success" in the U.S. The U.S. fell in Gross National Happiness from 16th to 23rd last year. I use U.S. instead of America because there are other Americas that too few recognize, both internally and externally. You may be familiar with Michael Harrington's masterpiece that came out in 1962, the year you were born, "The Other America." A few years after that (1968) I was deeply involved with MLK, Jr. who gave a powerful speech in Grosse Pointe, Mi, a privileged community where I lived at the time. The title of that speech. "The Other America" Here's a link for your reference:
I was on the committee that invited King to speak and I was in charge of the arrangements for the facilities. The local high school gym was the only place that could accommodate the crowd of 3,000 people. I had to address the trouble during the speech with the local police who had jurisdiction although there were state police and others standing by in the library in case things got worse. Remember, times were tense and this was just a few weeks before King was assassinated. I have written elsewhere about my two days with King that changed the trajectory of my privileged life although I continued to enjoy the benefits of an extensive education and meaningful work. Like you, I have tried to help underserved people and communities. You inspired me to contribute my Substack pledges to a non-profit scholarship fund and you were the first pledge, thank you for that! We are fortunate to be able to pay it forward by giving back something for all that has been given to us. Some years ago I had a conversation with Scott Peck, author of the well-known "The Road Less Traveled." A lot of people may not know that Scott also wrote a book called "What Return Can I Make?" and that comes from a faith perspective. All of this is, I suppose, is to say that we are governed by what we believe which influences who we become and what we do with that, over a lifetime, not merely during our years of working for a living. Thank you, David, for helping us to think more deeply about these things and what some options are for helping to make things better. For those of us committed to DEI (Diversity, Equity and Inclusion) it's a tough road to travel in the U.S.
It’s so tough to write a piece that encompasses what’s going on today when there is very little data. Just curious if that 2005 study included the number of couples who met while attending college. I’d also be curious to know how many couples met from a dating app as they are so popular today. I know your piece is about the extremes— vast wealth compared to poverty, but most are middle class who can’t afford college. Tuition costs are now over 80k a year. Tech schools make sense for many families.
I found this very insightful: “I think I know an elite when I meet them. The characteristic they have in common is that their capital, both financial and social, gives them a sense of immunity, real or not, from life’s economic and status vicissitudes and thus great agency over their lives.”
It also strikes me as hopeful. I have a hard time imagining a successful society that eliminates inequality. However, I can imagine a society that helps every citizen get that sense of immunity over life’s vicissitudes and thus helps every citizen achieve agency over their lives. That seems a world worth building.
I think you are disastrously right and are speaking out loud the thing the no one really wants to talk about, except in terms of sarcasm and resentment. Another aspect of this is the “crabs in a barrel,” “don’t get above your raising” mindset that seeks to impede superbly competent kids from moving up in the world. Some families don’t want to lose the kid. Some families resent the kid. It’s isolate and kind of inevitable.
This brings up another question: is it necessary to try to rise in the world? You say it’s in our DNA. At the same time, maybe the lifestyles of the off the grid and happy (loudly) or the limited expectations but under stressed need to be examined too.
I went from limited expectations to ferocious accomplishment. I take the heat from it. I reap the benefits. I’d do it again and am thankful I was able. And I pay it forward. Thanks for your rare candor in addressing this topic.
If you’re doing a book and want interviewees, I volunteer. It’s a fascinating subject.
Great work! I could say so much about this. Some perspective that could be interesting: I have all the education and a few years ago, I started dating again after divorce — for the first time since my early 20s. I had very few preconceived notions about who I would date and was open to anyone who seemed friendly enough. But after a few experiences, I quickly learned that men were intimidated by my education/work. They didn’t want to have discussions or ask what I did; they didn’t want to hear about how I lived because it seemed too foreign to them. They just seemed uncomfortable around me.
Reluctantly, I realized that I probably wouldn’t hit it off with anyone who had less than an undergraduate education so I shouldn’t waste my time. The reality is that it’s hard to connect with someone when you have very different life experiences and I guess the less education someone has, the more likely they are to be turned off (in one way or another) by life experiences they’ve had little contact with. And I guess in this age of dating apps, where you screen potential dates with these criteria that often simply don’t matter much in a relationship (e.g. height! Who cares?), education becomes just another marker of who you probably will/will not hit it off with.
Given that the number of women with advanced degrees is growing significantly larger than the number of men, it’ll be interesting to see how these dynamics play out over the next few decades. I think both men and women have gone through so many changes in terms of the gendered expectations of our society. Perhaps more so than at any other time in history. It’s a lot to take in!
I'm so relieved for Luis. And bravo to Samuel.
I can attest to how very real this is. While the elite have always had an advantage, they now have a stranglehold. If you use journalism which is my industry, when I was growing up in the 1970s and the 1980s, there were many highly successful journalists who didn’t go to college.
Now it’s very hard to find any who haven’t and most of them who are successful went to elite colleges if not Ivy League colleges. I am very unusual in having made it to the top of that industry while having attended a not super competitive state school – – University of Maryland – and with no family connections either. As I’m sure you know, and I think you were alluding to, getting into these elite colleges is really about making the connections.
I I don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting to make sure your children have a good life but I do think it’s important to use your connections to help people aren’t so fortunate and it’s good to hear that you’re doing that. I don’t have children, but I would do anything for my nieces, but I also make sure to constantly remind them how privileged they are. I think it’s important that they understand that they were born on third base so they don’t get confused and think that their success is something that’s inherent to them. Something I have come across is people who’ve had their parents connections helping them every step of the way, who think they’re better than other people because there’s something super special about them without realizing all the advantages they’ve had because of who they were born to.
Wonderful news on Luis.
Excellent post!
I think the question is not “Do we have a caste system?” But, “What is the degree of mobility from one caste to the other?”
There is no question that America has a caste system, otherwise we wouldn’t be talking about Elites and how they are precisely defined.
Americans have always been notoriously ambivalent about progressive taxation because we have had a high degree of social mobility; e.g., the American dream.
You could always move from the lowest caste to the highest cast simply by dint of hard work.
Caste has a negative connotation because we first learned about the five predetermined castes of birth from India.
There is no mobility from the lowest Untouchables to any of the other caste levels all the way up to the highest, the Brahmin.
But, can Americans still move up? Will our kids live better lives than we have lived?
Not everyone will want to pay the price (eg: work).
But, for those to do, they need to know that the system will reward them and is not rigged against them.
There’s also a sense of cultural displacement if you move from one “caste” to another… I went to a top school and you could tell who was “moneyed” and who wasn’t. I would argue that even if you lost a lot of your privileges (namely, wealth) tomorrow your identity and caste privileges would still very much exist. All this to say, I don’t think it’s just mobility/access; it’s also a cultural identity as well.
This was such a fascinating read and I admire you for speaking so thoughtfully about the parental imperative, even as it perhaps feels antithetical to a lot of your ideologies. I would be curious for you to explore the difference between social and financial capital. What are the limitations of each? Do you actually think they’re that interchangeable and confer the same kinds of privilege etc? What if you have one without the other? There’s tons of junior reporters working at The NY Times for instance who don’t come from wealthy backgrounds and still have to survive on a relatively meager salary — do they constitute “elites” as you describe at the end?
P.S. Been loving your newsletter since I discovered it last week!
Very glad to hear about Luis's acquittal! Now I wish there were some consequences for that prosecutorial overreach. Somehow I doubt there will be.
Jane Austen, Edith Wharton, Henry James, and many others were chiefly concerned, more than a century ago, with aristocrats trying to marry well. I might be wrong, but I think the national solidarity during the two world wars, and the social upheaval surrounding the Vietnam War, might have been anomalies in building a more expansive sense of common identity and purpose among Americans. We're now reverting to something more like the Gilded Age. That's probably the norm for human civilization, which is depressing in its own way.
Great read. Thank you. The concept of mobility is an interesting addition to the conversation here. I grew up on the border of working class and middle class, with little to no family privileges in terms of institutional connections, knowledge, or know-how. (I’m a first generation college student and I distinctly remember realizing on my first day of undergrad that my classes were all in different buildings— I’d never had the opportunity to go on a college visit beforehand and thus just never put that together until the first day.) After undergrad, I decided to become a teacher (certainly not an elite job). However, I was admitted to a master’s in education program at an Ivy League university. As I prepare to start a family, I wonder about what privileges and advantages my hard-wrought knowledge of the system will be able to give my children. I’m now aware of a whole world (a more elite world) than what I knew growing up. I don’t want them to lose touch with how my fiance and I grew up. I want them to earn their way. But you’re right… how could or would a parent possibly not use their advantages to help their own children, even if that advantage is just institutional knowledge and not generational privilege? What are my kids going to have access to that I didn’t? Again, thank you for this piece. It’s giving voice to something that I’ve been ruminating on recently.
I think the caste divide is between those who come from stable families and those who don't. Even the assortive mating among "elites" has more to do with a shared (unexpressed or even not explicitly realized) goal of building a stable family.
Our popular culture is toxic and a stable family is the main bulwark against falling behind cognitively, financially, and spiritually (becoming resilient). The effect is greater and longer lasting if the family is more expansive than a nuclear family (grandparents, uncles, aunts).
From my privileged perch and perspective, not at all exaggerated, David. Before I leave a comment on the significant content of your post, I want to offer up an observation of the picture of your brother celebrating his success. The pose looks like they are about to dance and well they could.
On other matters of the truth about the U.S. I have often used the GNH compared to the rank of the GDP as a measure of "success" in the U.S. The U.S. fell in Gross National Happiness from 16th to 23rd last year. I use U.S. instead of America because there are other Americas that too few recognize, both internally and externally. You may be familiar with Michael Harrington's masterpiece that came out in 1962, the year you were born, "The Other America." A few years after that (1968) I was deeply involved with MLK, Jr. who gave a powerful speech in Grosse Pointe, Mi, a privileged community where I lived at the time. The title of that speech. "The Other America" Here's a link for your reference:
https://www.gphistorical.org/mlk/mlkspeech/
I was on the committee that invited King to speak and I was in charge of the arrangements for the facilities. The local high school gym was the only place that could accommodate the crowd of 3,000 people. I had to address the trouble during the speech with the local police who had jurisdiction although there were state police and others standing by in the library in case things got worse. Remember, times were tense and this was just a few weeks before King was assassinated. I have written elsewhere about my two days with King that changed the trajectory of my privileged life although I continued to enjoy the benefits of an extensive education and meaningful work. Like you, I have tried to help underserved people and communities. You inspired me to contribute my Substack pledges to a non-profit scholarship fund and you were the first pledge, thank you for that! We are fortunate to be able to pay it forward by giving back something for all that has been given to us. Some years ago I had a conversation with Scott Peck, author of the well-known "The Road Less Traveled." A lot of people may not know that Scott also wrote a book called "What Return Can I Make?" and that comes from a faith perspective. All of this is, I suppose, is to say that we are governed by what we believe which influences who we become and what we do with that, over a lifetime, not merely during our years of working for a living. Thank you, David, for helping us to think more deeply about these things and what some options are for helping to make things better. For those of us committed to DEI (Diversity, Equity and Inclusion) it's a tough road to travel in the U.S.
It’s so tough to write a piece that encompasses what’s going on today when there is very little data. Just curious if that 2005 study included the number of couples who met while attending college. I’d also be curious to know how many couples met from a dating app as they are so popular today. I know your piece is about the extremes— vast wealth compared to poverty, but most are middle class who can’t afford college. Tuition costs are now over 80k a year. Tech schools make sense for many families.
I found this very insightful: “I think I know an elite when I meet them. The characteristic they have in common is that their capital, both financial and social, gives them a sense of immunity, real or not, from life’s economic and status vicissitudes and thus great agency over their lives.”
It also strikes me as hopeful. I have a hard time imagining a successful society that eliminates inequality. However, I can imagine a society that helps every citizen get that sense of immunity over life’s vicissitudes and thus helps every citizen achieve agency over their lives. That seems a world worth building.
Great article, right on the money (so to speak).